 STOP THE SYNTHETIC SHAMING OF WOMEN The astronaut Sunita Williams is splashed all over the media who are fixated on her appearance after being lost in space for nine months. She wasn’t chosen to go to space for her looks, her incredible military experience and 30 years experience with NASA has been completely overlooked to focus on her wrinkles and aging. Newsflash, they don’t have hairdressers and beauticians in space. She cut off her long hair and donated it to charity before a previous space mission. She is the only astronaut to complete a marathon in space. Meanwhile her colleague, Butch has cornered less than a paragraph of news reporting on his physical appearance. Whether it’s the relentless scrutiny of celebrities on the red carpet or the judgment women face in their everyday lives, appearance-based criticism remains a constant. Today I opened instagram to see an advert for women in their 40s and 50s get the legs of a 20 year old. No thank you, I am not in competition with a child. Society's obsession with women's appearances is deeply ingrained in history. For centuries, beauty has been seen as a woman's currency, a measure of her worth. Patriarchal standards created impossible ideals that shifted with the times—from ridiculous corseted silhouettes to size-zero bodies. And we are all guilty of buying into these expectations, getting botox tweaks and downing collagen shots that promise the illusion of perfection. But perfection doesn’t exist. Any recent pictures from the Oscars will present a group of women with the same make up look. Whatever happened to individuality? Whatever we do, we are often labeled as "too much" or "not enough" — too thin, too curvy, too old, too young, too plain, too glamorous. This ridiculous pressure to meet unrealistic standards can erode self-confidence. I too feel anxiety and self-body shame despite looking presentable after having six kids, losing an ovary that ruptured in childbirth and nearly dying on the operating table. Social media fuels these criticisms daily, no wonder GenZ are so depressed. We need to step back and remember that our value doesn’t lie in our appearance and our accomplishments are far greater than our bra and waist size. And forget the audacity of mediocre men who look like a potato who feel the need to comment on women’s appearance. That’s an entirely new trend apparently. We need to remember that beauty doesn’t fit into a box and we should embrace the diversity of body types, skin tones, and expressions of femininity. It’s time to speak up over the harmful comments and stand up against body shaming.I almost got a tiktokban last week for calling out a man who felt the need to cricitise. And yes,I know I post bikini pics but that is for self empowerment, to inspire other women that a bikini doesn’t have a sell by date past 30. Every body is a bikini body. Speak to yourself with kindness. Treat your body as a source of strength and joy rather than an object to be judged. Your body is an incredible machine and we shouldn’t take it for granted. Some people would love to be in your shoes, literally, to be able to walk unaided or carry shopping without getting breathless. Women are multifaceted, resilient, and powerful. We are leaders, artists, mothers, entrepreneurs, and friends. Our worth is not confined to a dress size or a wrinkle count. The next time you feel the weight of judgment, remember that your value lies in your spirit, your laughter, and the love you share with others. Our beauty is a reflection of our confidence and authenticity where every woman is free to shine, whatever shape we are.here to edit.
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 WHY I DON’T CHARGE MY KIDS TO LIVE AT HOME
As parents, we strive to make decisions that we believe are in the best interest of our children, even as they become adults. One of the best decisions I've made is not charging my adult kids rent while they live at home. This choice is based on a variety of personal beliefs and family values that have guided me through parenthood. In essence, I wanted to be the mum my mother wasn’t and through her shortcomings I have learned to be so much better than her. When I was 18 I landed my dream job of a trainee reporter on a local newspaper My take-home pay was £650 and she demanded £300 in rent from me, almost half my salary. Filled with resentment I moved into a bedsit. I would rather pay a stranger than her and avoid the weekly fights she would start or threats of being thrown out anyway. Not having enough money to live on, I turned to credit cards, on her advice, to live on and this started a lifelong toxic relationship with money. And so one of the biggest reasons I don’t charge my kids rent is that I want them to be able to save money and set themselves up for a successful future. They’re already supporting themselves through university and racking up huge student loans so why would I want to create additional burden for them? By allowing them to live at home rent-free, they can focus on building their financial independence without the added pressure of high living expenses. Plus it’s their family home, the home they have been brought up in for 20 years. They didn’t ask to be born and their home is always going to be their safe space free from responsibilities. It’s their refuge from all the shittiness that life throws at them and they can relax knowing they always have that family support from me. There’s enough adulting to be done once they close the front door behind them and charging them rent would take away that sense of freedom. They have a life time ahead of them of paying bills so if I can delay that for them, then I will. By not charging them rent, they don’t have the pressure to move out. If I had my way they would live at home forever. Nothing makes me happier than seeing them around the kitchen table sharing stories of their day, cooking endless meals and laughing over instagram posts. Charging them rent might push them to rush into decisions they’re not ready for. I believe it’s more important for them to take their time and figure out what truly makes them happy. Also when my kids are not focused on paying rent, I believe we build stronger bonds with each other. It allows us to spend quality time together, share experiences, and be a part of each other's lives in a way that’s hard to do when there’s a financial transaction involved. It helps us focus on creating memories, not just managing bills. I didn’t raise kids for them to pay me back. Some argue that charging rent teaches them financial responsibility, but I believe that responsibility goes beyond just paying bills.Regardless, my kids have way more savings than me and are much more sensible with their money. I keep telling them not to make the mistakes I made and similar to their attitude towards studying and a keen work ethic, they have natural self-discipline and the confidence to face life’s challenges. I don’t want to them to go out wit limited resources if they’re skint. I want them to be able to jump into a taxi and get home safely without worrying about the cost. They also contribute to family life naturally, by buying their own food if they don't like what’s in the fridge and they pay for their own clothes and holidays. It amuses me that I get a text asking them to buy toothpaste or shower gel for their bathroom, simple things they can afford to take for granted. Every family is different, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting and I am not going to judge anyone who doesn’t parent like I do. But for me, not charging my adult kids rent is a choice that reflects my values of support, family, and long-term investment in their success. I believe that without the unnecessary financial pressure they exhume confidence and are inspired to take risks. They’re not falling into unhealthy relationships where they’re dependent on their partners to support them financially. My eldest daughter worked for a year and saved her entire salary and is now spending a year globetrotting with her sister.This would not be possible if I took rent from them. As always I encourage them to create the life they love. Money creates freedom and with freedom they can make better life choices and build the future they want for themselves. Plus they’ll have more money to pay for my luxury retirement village in Florida.  DO I HAVE A FAVOURITE CHILD?
Having six children definitely has made me a target for judgment over the years. Mostly because some people can’t relate to or understand how having such a big family can tick. People jump to conclusions; I must be religious or am pro life or in the words of the most unoriginal and unfunny comment of all, lack a television. People have assumed I’m on benefits or super rich. I am neither. People just can’t imagine how anyone could handle that many, or they assume it’s too much, or they simply project their own discomfort onto me. It takes a strong and confident woman to have six children and an even stronger person to brush off the comments. The question I am frequently asked is do I have a favourite child? I find this utterly incomprehensible as I love all my children equally. They’ve all developed into wonderful humans with their own unique intelligence and qualities that I am proud of. Each of them bring something special to my family dynamic, and it is so rewarding to see them grow into their own unique selves. It’s so important to give them all space and at the same time nurture so many individual strong personalities. I grew up feeling unloved with my older brother being the ‘golden child”. Both my brothers went to private schools, I didn’t. I was always being compared to my older brother and made to feel that I was never enough. This has led to a lifetime of me feeling not good enough and always wanting attention and overachieving. I have brought my kids up to be best friends with each other. I always said that their siblings are the only ones they can rely on when they’re older as friends will let them down and to this day they have listened to me. I can confidently say that my kids do not feel one is given more attention or love than another. Like all humans, my kids have different temperaments, needs, and personalities. I may have more in common with one or two than another but that doesn’t mean I love the others any less. The idea that love can be "unequal" is unsettling. I have a unique bond with all my children and I think I understand them. I hope they feel they can turn to me for support, I’ve made that very clear. Love isn’t a fixed amount that you divide up in equal measurements. For me and my children it just expands. I can praise one child for an achievement without have to go round the room pointing out every other’s perfections at the same time. Praise for one of my children doesn’t diminish my love for the others. Growing up I wanted to be the type of mum everything my own mother wasn’t. My kids have never been grounded, I don’t believe in physical punishment or verbal chastising. If they annoy me, I just tell them to fuck off and have done since they were little. Then when I calm down I apologise, explain why they annoyed me and we carry on. I have never gone to bed on bad terms with them. I have never had a major row with them. I never gave them a bed time, they had to learn to manage their own sleep and if they were tired because they stayed up late, then that was a consequence they had to learn. I rarely go in their bedrooms and wouldn’t dream of going through their things. Boundaries create respect. There’s no subject I am not afraid to broach with them. And I am learning so much from them too and we have really good conversations about politics, feminism, careers, relationships and life. It’s a two way experience and usually ends up with them taking the mick out of me, but that’s fine. I can laugh at my mistakes, I just don’t want them to make the same ones. So back to the question, do I have a favourite child? The answer is no. People do tend to gravitate toward those who reflect parts of themselves but I see bits of my personality in all of my kids. Whether you have one kid or six, the depth of that love and how you show up for them is what defines you as a parent, not how many kids you have.  DON'T CALL ME A BITCH
A man left a comment on my facebook page calling me a bitch. It was meant as a light hearted reply to one of my posts but I messaged them and told them it was inappropriate, especially from someone I have never met. Equally, it is offensive to call me babe or sweetie or any other over affectionate label that isn’t my name if you don’t know me. While I can call myself all of the above, it doesn’t give anyone else except my close friends, the right to. Social media creates blurred lines I know, people think they’re your friends and they know you, even though they’re just following your posts. And as a feminist it’s all about creating a safe space with respect to acknowledge women’s rights and strengths. So delving a bit deeper, calling a woman a bitch, especially one that you have never met, is in fact quite passive aggressive. In the urban dictionary, the definition of a woman is “someone who whines excessively,” “annoying and whining female,” “a person who performs tasks for another, usually degrading in status,” a “woman with a bad attitude.” I have a great, positive attitude on the whole and labelling a woman a bitch is implying that she isn’t fitting the mold women are “supposed” to fit into and we’re defying society’s unhealthy and antiquated expectations of a woman. We are here to be seen and heard. Bitch is an insult aimed at women who behave in “male” ways, women who are too ambitious or aggressive, women who are ambitious, women who earn a lot of money, women who are not as nice or as quiet as some people would like them to be. And yes I am all of those but I behave without arrogance and mostly with empathy so as not to intentionally hurt anyone. Calling a woman a bitch is actually exposing deep rooted prejudice against a woman and I take it really personally. Bitch is so insulting because it attempts to use a piece of my identity – my femaleness – as a weapon. “Bitch” is literally mysogeny, slagging me off because I’m a woman. Similarly calling a man a bitch is insulting. It’s derogatory to imply they’re acting weak, again, a slur against women. You may think I’m over reacting, but I am a feminist protecting women’s rights to be strong. Which is why me and my friends call people (who deserve it) cunts. It’s good enough for Chaucer and Shakespeare and more recently Germaine Greer. The word historically is associated with shame and repression as well as the way women have been denied knowledge of their own bodily pleasure. Men gasp and prudes wince but it’s empowering for women to take back control of the word and everything it symbolises. I am sugar and spice, and all things nice. And even though I swear, I’m classy as fuck. It doesn’t make me a bitch.  GOODBYE 2024.
As another year draws to a close, it’s time to reflect on the last 12 months. It’s 4am as I write this and there’s a quiet stillness that settles over the world—a gentle pause between the fading echoes of the past and the soft murmur of what’s to come. It’s a time of reflection, of taking stock of all that has unfolded, of looking back on the journey before stepping forward into the unknown. What have I achieved? What have I failed at? What have I let go of? I have just finished filming a huge 10 month project which I can’t talk about but hopefully will come to fruition next year. This has taken up most of my year and it’s the biggest secret I have had to keep. But hopefully it will bring the best result I can hope for in 2025. And if it doesn’t, I can honestly say it’s been the most fun project I have worked on and I have made incredible connections from it. It’s been an absolute blast. But for now let’s stay in the present. I am surrounded by my children sleeping peacefully and safely in their beds. There is a biting wind outside but my house is warm and my fridge is full. It fills my heart with joy and gratitude. If there’s one thing I have excelled at, it is being a good mother and achieving everything my own mother wasn’t for me. My kids told me they had one of the best summers of their lives and that is all I could ask for. I listen regularly to the highly inspirational Mel Robbins podcast and yesterday on my 5k walk she was talking about how life is a journey and we don’t have failures, we have experiences. We are exactly where we are meant to be. We all feel “bleugh” at some points and when we have a block we need to pull over and breathe. Take stock of where we want to go and visualise how we will feel when we get there. And then move forward. Being in my 50s is kind of liberating, I have more time to myself now, I am more accepting of myself and I have a deeper appreciation of time. I am not weighed down by other people’s opinions of me and love the person I have grown into. I can laugh at myself and feel empowered. I say no regularly without guilt. There have been hurdles this year,of course, that’s part of life. There has been grief. And things haven’t always gone my way. But ultimately I am proud of the last year. I celebrated the Manchester and Liverpool Lifestyle Awards, I produced Liverpool Fashion Week and I achieved a goal of putting on a fashion show in Cyprus, all of which were a success, not just for me, but for everyone involved. These events give people the confidence to keep going and allow them to recognise their talents within themselves and that makes me proud to be able to give them a platform to do this. I have written a song that’s had national radio play and in the new year will be collaborating with an artist to write an album, I am launching the Lifestyle Music Awards and I have a trip somewhere very exciting in the spring which could propel my life in a completely new direction. Who knows where it will lead me? The past twelve months have been full of both triumph and personal challenges, moments of incredible joy and some loneliness, but countless lessons learned along the way. The year began with lofty ambitions, whilst in the midst of uncertainty and struggle. That uncertainty hasn’t diminished but I keep putting one step in front of the other and I am going with the flow . I have faith that everything will work out. Universal timing will bring everything together for me when it’s meant to be and not when I want it. I have been a little more selfish this year too, taking myself on a solo holiday to Hong Kong which is another bucket list ticked off. I love going on adventures, I love being spontaneous. I put my health first too and my gym classes are a priority over my business meetings. Fortunately being self employed I have the luxury to manage my time and work on my own terms and this freedom has allowed me to create the lifestyle I love. I am being kinder to myself, I do not listen to nasty gossip, I will leave that others and turn down the volume to them. I am not letting the chatter in my head self sabotage for this creates limited beliefs. I have walked away from people who used me and hurt me and recognised those who have supported me and will continue to nurture these treasured friendships. I keep my circle tight, I trust few people now but the people I surround myself with are good people whom I cherish. So as I wind up my work for the year and 2024 draws to to a close, I am filled with gratitude. I will honour this year for the person it has helped me become. I am ready for the new year, not because I have everything figured out, but because I know that whatever comes my way I will meet it with the strength and wisdom that the past year has given me. And I am embracing the new year with excitement for what unfolds, and hopefully it will include a sexy new man, not because I need one, but because I want to share meaningful new experiences with someone I can have fun with. I am human after all. But if it doesn’t hey ho, I am comfortable in my own company and it won’t stop me living the life I blessed with and embracing new adventures, wherever they may lead to.  DREAM GIRL ERA
It’s approaching the time of year when we overindulge in tasty treats and let’s face it, why shouldn’t we? It’s cold and miserable outside and it makes us feel a bit better. And a little bit of something naughty can make you feel nice. But then comes the guilt and ridiculous self-loathing with the gyms bombarding everyone to join them for the “new year, new you” monotonous trend. I am so sick of the body shaming piled on us to look a certain way. Some of us are not built to be skinny. I have big boobs and a big bum, and not only do I accept it, but I embrace it now, in case you haven’t noticed my multiple bikini selfies. And why the hell not? I listened to a podcast on my regular 10k walk this morning and it was all about stepping into your Dream Girl Era. It was about loving and accepting yourself and not changing yourself to fit into society’s expectations of how you are supposed to be. So what is the Dream Girl Era? It’s visualising who you want to be as a woman so that you can become the best version of yourself. It’s about talking to yourself in a kind way and instead of pointing out your physical faults, you start talking to yourself kindly. It’s ok to tell yourself you look good, it ok to have a little aesthetics enhancement if it makes you feel better about yourself. It’s your body and you can do what you want with it. We are all unique and that makes us interesting and wonderful and it’s time to embrace what makes you, well, YOU. Entering the Dream Girl Era means you are ready to step up to become the person you’ve always aspired to be. You don’t need money. You don’t need a flash gym membership, you just need your imagination to visualise who you want to be. My friend has started seeing this guy and she’s developed anxiety wondering when he is going to message her next. “What if he’s changed his mind about me? What if he didn’t like seeing me naked” she said? I told her to stop trashing herself and reminded her that she was an absolute badass who should take control of the situation. Message him, you’re not 15 and if he doesn’t respond then move on. You’re not hanging around for anyone’s approval I told her. And I reminded her that have yet to meet a man who doesn’t adore seeing a naked woman in front of him. Stepping into your Dream Girl Era means you shed all the insecurities and embrace who you are. You look at everything you’ve achieved rather focusing on the failures . Everyone fails at something, it’s life and without failure we don’t learn lessons to be better people in our business and relationships. But the relationship with yourself is the most important one and longest one you will ever have so make it worthwhile. We are not here to make others happy. We are not here to please others, we are not here to put our wants and needs behind everyone’s elses. What are the safety instructions on a flight? Put your own mask on first before you help others. And that’s the simple rule in life. You have all the tools to become the best version of yourself and it starts with being accountable for yourself. I am on my way to being a Dream Girl. I have non-negotiable terms to my day, For example, I will not attend a meeting before 11am because I have to go to my daily spin class at 9.30am. It sets me up mentally and physically for the day. I love who I have become. Of course I have fears, I am not invincible, but I have this confidence that I never used to have, that has come from stepping into my power. I know what I want and I am going out to get it. We’re often told that we should rebrand our business to create an authentic and meaningful connection with our clients but we need to do the same with ourselves. Humans are not supposed to be static, we are programmed to move and grow. A change in direction can motivate and inspire you to do things you never dreamed of. It may be as simple as slipping into an outfit you told yourself you wouldn’t normally be seen dead in.Wear the sequin jacket to the supermarket and let them stare. We are not here for long on earth so live your best life with gusto and close down the chatter from people who don’t approve of your choices. They aren’t living your life and their opinion doesn’t matter. Be the Dream Girl you were born to be.  HATERS GONNA HATE
It’s an old topic that keeps resurfacing but I felt like addressing it again as the season of goodwill is almost upon us. A few people have forgotten their mindfulness and be kind culture and still feel the need to be a keyboard warrior. What drives these people to write such hate? Fuelled by their own inadequecies or just simply do they have a toxic personality? It’s not just aimed at me, I have seen several posts across social media from others experiencing the same. Just what is wrong with people? So I posted on LinkedIn the other day and received a comment that I am only in business “to fuel my lifestyle in Cyprus and Liverpool.” It made me laugh. Stop the press. A business owner is operating to make a profit because the last time I checked, my bills couldn’t be paid by hearts and likes. And of course I am in business to make money, aren’t we all? To be fair, I haven’t raised my advertising prices since Covid and we won’t mention the numerous people I have mentored in their career journey, but that’s another story entirely. I am baffled by how people cruelly target others to try and destroy their confidence, or maybe it is as simple as wanting to get attention, hoping for a comment in retaliation. I won’t rise to it. The way I see it is that a negative comment is reflective of their behaviour, not mine. Trolls are there to create distrust but please, keep talking about me. You’re raising my profile. The first time I was trolled was when I was 19 years old and a reporter on a local paper. I published an article, which had to go through a news editor and editor before it was published. The subject of the feature didn’t like it and went on a personal campaign to try and destroy my reputation and I thought it was the end of my career. My newspaper colleagues, however, were ecstatic because people in the community were talking about the newspaper and my editor gave me the best advice which I have carried through my career. “If there’s one thing worse than being talked about, it’s not being talked about.” And so I have carried my #bememorable with me ever since. I have lost count of the number of times I have been trolled so viscously, once to the point that I had to launch a defamation lawsuit. In every case, I can say that the people in question have gone out of business. And I am still standing. Because people do business with people and if you’re filled with nastiness, others will see it eventually and who wants to work with someone so hateful? I had to take my babies to meetings and always checked that the people in question weren’t bothered by it. And on one occasion I returned to find myself slagged off by a woman for being unprofessional for bringing my baby to work. I have always kept my head down and focused on myself and the people who I work with. We’re in it to elevate each other’s businesses and success, I surround myself with like-minded people with the same ambitious mindset. By ignoring the haters, you are denying them the attention they crave. Trolls often thrive on getting a reaction, and responding to them can escalate the situation. It's vital to remember that you can't reason with someone whose primary goal is to provoke. My advice to anyone on the receiving end of being trolled is to congratulate yourself on being a success, you’re obviously doing something right that has attracted the attention from someone who isn’t doing as well as you. Successful people don’t have time to focus on negative people, they’re too busy building their own empires. Do not let them throw you off your gameplan, stay focused on your work and your clients. Remember that rumours are started by haters and spread by fools. Let them talk. If they haven’t already heard of you, they may google you and that is going to boost your ranking. There's thousands of businesses out there, thousands of potential new clients waiting to benefit from your products and services. So quietly thank them for their interest in you. Do not question your abilities or let them wobble your confidence. The block button is there for a reason. Press it and press on with creating the fabulous lifestyle you deserve.  NEW BLOG: MOVING ON FROM FAKE FRIENDS
There’s nothing worse than a woman scorned and forget Hurricane Milton, Mossy is on the rampage. It’s the Scorpio month too, the astrology sign of grudge-bearing and unforgiveness, so I am in my element. I am talking about an ex-friend of mine, the latest in a long line of aquaintances who I have cut out of my life. I have no hesitation in doing this as I don’t like personal drama. A friendship should be balanced and supportive but I was beginning to feel it fraying. We originally connected as we were both going through break ups at the same time, but reflecting on our past conversations, her trauma always had to cut deeper than mine, it was like she was always in competition with me which came to a head when she coupled up recently with a new partner. Looking back at our friendship we also shared a common problem of financially struggling, but as soon as my business started to pick up she pulled away from me. She was big on healing, apparantly too which I find amusing for someone so toxic, she obviously hasn’t learned anything from it. I was genuinely happy for her when she met someone and was always asking questions about how things were going. She wasn’t forthcoming to share any information so I stopped the questions, respecting her privacy, but when we went out for dinner she accused me of being jealous of her having a boyfriend which wounded me profoundly. Now I am quick to admit my flaws, but jealousy of my friends is not a trait I have. I couldn’t possibly be friends with someone I am envious of and in fact the only time I have found myself jealous is when I have been so deeply in love with a man and they have looked at another woman. Over the past few months I have been so busy with work projects and family which have been endless fun, but I never once didn’t think to include her in my plans and always extended invitations for her to join us. I messaged her several times a day to let her know I was thinking of her. She never wanted to go out so I stopped asking and the replies to my messages became shorter and more curt. I asked her if there was a problem and she said no so I left it at that. I have been immersed in work events; fashion shows and awards and I noticed that she didn’t ask how they were going, she didn’t attend any and ignored all my social media posts, not liking a single picture which I thought was strange. Then she had a personal issue which I couldn’t attend to as I was filming on a rather big project and this seemed to tip her over the edge. She blanked me. I did reach out to her and was ignored. It appears that because I didn’t leave a film crew dangling to go and see her annoyed the hell out of her. And anyone who has worked in this industry, will know how grueling filming can be and I was on an exhausting schedule with little sleep and no time for me to even attend my beloved gym. A week went by being completely ignored, having gone from speaking several times a day to being on the end of the silent treatment. One of my traits is that I can’t let things lie, if I feel there is a problem I have to speak out and try and solve it. As someone who grew up with being blanked by my parents, and my ex husband for years, being dismissed is not something I respond to well. Our paths crossed and she walked past me as if I was a stranger so I called over to her to ask what her problem was as any reasonable adult would do. She spun round and started yelling at me so profusely that spit was spraying out of her mouth, telling me that she didn’t want to be part of the “Amanda Moss show” anymore. I work in the media, my events are very public, I am also a small-time influencer that gets paid to post reels on social media and of course, I do public relations so I am always er, putting on a show of some kind. My work shouldn’t have been a surprise to her. Being yelled at in public, however is not something I tolerate and I realised that we never really had a friendship in the first place and she has no value in my life. Her attack was the ultimate betrayal. Letting go of people who aren’t likeminded has been a major flex for me in my personal quest for peace and happiness and I realise that cutting off people that don’t serve you the same respect is a major step in loving yourself. I am not even upset by the end of this friendship which says a lot about it. I recall often having to tiptoe around her dark mood swings which I don’t miss. I only wish her happiness in her life, my life is fulfilling enough. I am a kind person who likes to help others, a loyal person who will go out of my way for the people I care about. I like to see people thrive. But cross me and I will walk in the opposite direction. And as for my true friends, I love you all to the end of the earth and back and am grateful for our union. Anyway I thank her for the content inspiration for this blog, immortalised forever in her words, “the Amanda Moss show”. She will hate me even more for writing this blog which gives me a little bit of evil pleasure and while she may not be interested in my life, trust me, with what I have planned in the coming year there’s plenty who will be.  NEW BLOG: ARE YOU LIVING YOUR LIFE’S POTENTIAL?
I get told almost every week, “Oh you’re so lucky, you have an awesome life” but do you think that just accidentally happened to me? And do you not think that I have got to where I have today without a river of tears and more battle scars than an army? The difference between me and 90% of the population is that when I have been put down, emotionally trashed and faced failure and rejection, I had a little scream and a tantrum and then looked it in the face with steely determination to rise above it. Never compare your life to someone else’s especially what you see on social media. You have no idea the journey they have undertaken, the grief they have endured and the sacrifices they have made. Successful people make it look easy and envious but, like an iceberg, you only see the tip of their surface whereas below, in the vast depths of the ocean, lies its darkest secrets, wounds and strength. Successful people take risks and live life outside their comfort zone. They’re not afraid to face criticism, lose friends and walk alone for a life they strive. And there are limitless possibilities in life if you’re willing to embrace change. Who would have thought at my age that I would be asked to model for brands? I continually strive for a life of excitement and exploration. People stay stagnant, in jobs that don’t stimulate them, or relationships that don’t excite them in an environment that doesn’t challenge them and that’s fine if they’re content. For me, however, I have changed my life multiple times in my pursuit of happiness and my life’s purpose and as I get older I believe there’s so much more for me to undertake. And I hope to inspire my children to do the same and I think it’s rubbing off on them. Recently my daughter passed her A-levels and, like with all of them, I encouraged her to take a gap year to travel and have fun. She has half a century of work ahead of her. When she asked her brother for his advice he agreed with me and said, “Life isn’t a race.” Transformation is essential for success. People who transform generally have a positive mental health and wellbeing attitude and rarely complain. Optimism is my middle name. My ex husband used to tell me I lived in a dream world, which he threw at me as an insult but I took as a compliment. Because a dream becomes a purpose with a goal. Working in the media, I am hugely committed to my image and the gym has been a gamechanger for me. Not only am I physically fitter than I was 20 years ago, but I am physically and mentally stronger than I have ever been. Not that I am in competition with anyone but myself. I look at pictures of me from 10, 5 and 2 years ago seeking ways to improve myself and that’s not vanity (ok well maybe a little bit) but personal growth. Absolutely anyone can achieve anything I have done with weightloss, you just need to show up to the gym everyday. And those who say they don’t have time is a bullshit excuse. There’s 24 hours in a day, you can workout instead of watching TV or scrolling netflix. Go for a walk at lunchtime instead of sitting at a desk grazing on processed food. Too tired? Ironically undertaking a workout will give you an energy boost, just get off your arse. My auntie got a personal trainer at 70 and dropped two stone, it’s never too late. Successful people don’t make excuses or blame others or their circumstances because ultimately the power to change lies within you. In the past week, three people have messaged me about wanting to change their life and move abroad and asked me for advice because yes, living in the sunshine makes a huge difference. Today I shall be going to the beach after my spin class and spending my morning there soaking up the vitamin sea. Then in the afternoon I shall start my work which, yes, I am fortunate to do from anywhere but it’s a situation I crafted with careful planning. I will generate the same results from 5-6 hours work as I would do with double that time spent doing the same in the UK. I notice this a lot when I go back. The hustle doesn’t end for 12 hours a day with constant meetings and networking events and what’s the point? I return to Cyprus exhausted reflecting on how success in the UK is measured by how many hours a day you graft. That is no life I want to be a part of. Ultimately the biggest measure of success for me is freedom, To choose where and when I work. To not have to be accountable to anyone but myself. This doesn’t make me flippant, quite the contrary, successful people are often up all night (I started writing this at 4am) as their mind swirls with the next big challenge they’re undertaking. And one thing remains at the core of people’s success and that is passion. If you don’t love what you do and care about how you do it, then it will never work.And passion is something I seek in bucketloads. My life’s potential hasn't been met but I am on the path. I have a vision. I have a desire to improve daily and I have a commitment to learning. Potential doesn’t have a retirement age and my greatest regret in life would be to life it without striving to be better, bolder and ok, more beautiful. DO WE GET SELFISH AS WE GET OLDER AND IS IT A BAD THING?
I am just wondering, as I made a reel on instagram recently and it went viral with 125,000 views I announced that I was going to become more selfish as I get older. I am ⅔ of my way through life, way past middle aged unless God has a plan on me living to be over 100 and I am putting myself first. As parents, when we have children, we put our wants and wishes aside as we hope to raise better versions than ourselves. That is something I have nailed, my kids are awesome, kind humans. Sacrifice is second nature to becoming a parent, especially a mother. Since I was 30 I made a promise to myself that every big milestone birthday would be celebrated with a trip to somewhere new. On my 40th I went to Dubai. On my 50th I booked a trip to Barbados but changed the flight and sent two of my kids to New York instead as they had just finished their GCSEs and A-levels. It has always niggled me that I didn’t keep that promise to myself and for my next birthday I am hoping to go to Thailand on a boxing retreat with other company directors all hoping to reset our goals. Honestly, my bag is already packed. I need a new bathroom, the shower room needs fixing, I need to pay bills but I also need this trip for myself. And the bathroom, bills and long list of repair jobs can wait a month or two. As a mother we lose our independence and for many years I felt lost and dare I say it, trapped. I think many women will relate to this and are afraid to admit it. I adore my children and would do anything for them. I drain my bank account frequently to ensure they have everything they need and it brings me joy to see them happy and fulfilled. But it’s time for me to feel the same and travelling has always been my passion. In every relationship I have had I have always put my feelings second to keep a partner happy and it has always backfired and I was taken for granted and treated badly I have always financially supported everyone else as well as myself, no one has ever paid my bills and at times it’s been so stressful I have wanted to give up on my business. I never did, I powered through with determination. But what’s the point if you’re not going to enjoy what you’re doing? It really is my time now. Selfishness is not narcissism. The world does not revolve around me, it still revolves around my family. But rewarding myself for working hard is ok. I don’t care if people judge me, they aren’t living my life, other people’s opinions of me are irrelevant and I have gone through more flaky friends than cups of coffee I have drunk. My responsibilities are incredibly draining to the point of sometimes burnout and I need to replenish my own cup. Selfishness is self love. Not saying what I want in a relationship and setting my intentions has built up a lifetime of resentment. I won’t make that mistake again. Not declaring that I need a break used to lead to screaming tantrums as I struggled to deal with the overwhelming pressure. Now I prioritise myself. I have learned that it’s setting healthy boundaries, it’s perfectly ok to give myself permission to enjoy myself. So often we don’t say no for fear of being judged and not wanting to offend anyone.I already broke that pattern by moving abroad to protect my mental health. I honestly don’t care if I offend you; don’t follow me, don’t be my friend, don’t read my social media posts. This year I have told people I don’t want to work with them if they disrespect me or try to haggle down my prices. Well actually I think I may have just told them to fuck off. It may have cost me money but it certainly paid to keep my self worth intact. And did I mention that I won another business award for PR last month? Whatever I am doing is obviously working. Putting ourselves first can feel uncomfortable at first but it quickly becomes easier. Trust me, it’s liberating. It’s a valuable life skill to be able to be selfish with healthy boundaries. I told my kids I wanted to go to Thailand and was actually worried they would be annoyed with me. Instead they welcomed the idea and told me I should do it as they know it would make me happy. I am teaching them that it’s ok to do things for themselves too without guilt, an emotion that comes as second nature to adulthood. If we’re constantly giving our time and energy to others then we are putting our emotional and even physical health in jeopardy. Self-care allows us to maintain balance and continue functioning like a well-oiled machine that increases our ability to help care for others. Just as you would not expect your car to run continuously for 5,000 miles without stopping for gas or having its oil changed, you too cannot expect that of yourself! Running on empty eventually leads to a machine that no longer functions. I love being selfish. I love turning down invitations to going out if I don’t feel like it. I love choosing who I hang out with, I love being in control of what I am doing. And I love telling people to fuck off. Helen Mirran said she wish she had told more people to do so when she was younger. It doesn’t make me any less classy. It makes me strong and deliciously selfish. |
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