NEW BLOG: MOVING ON FROM FAKE FRIENDS There’s nothing worse than a woman scorned and forget Hurricane Milton, Mossy is on the rampage. It’s the Scorpio month too, the astrology sign of grudge-bearing and unforgiveness, so I am in my element. I am talking about an ex-friend of mine, the latest in a long line of aquaintances who I have cut out of my life. I have no hesitation in doing this as I don’t like personal drama. A friendship should be balanced and supportive but I was beginning to feel it fraying. We originally connected as we were both going through break ups at the same time, but reflecting on our past conversations, her trauma always had to cut deeper than mine, it was like she was always in competition with me which came to a head when she coupled up recently with a new partner. Looking back at our friendship we also shared a common problem of financially struggling, but as soon as my business started to pick up she pulled away from me. She was big on healing, apparantly too which I find amusing for someone so toxic, she obviously hasn’t learned anything from it. I was genuinely happy for her when she met someone and was always asking questions about how things were going. She wasn’t forthcoming to share any information so I stopped the questions, respecting her privacy, but when we went out for dinner she accused me of being jealous of her having a boyfriend which wounded me profoundly. Now I am quick to admit my flaws, but jealousy of my friends is not a trait I have. I couldn’t possibly be friends with someone I am envious of and in fact the only time I have found myself jealous is when I have been so deeply in love with a man and they have looked at another woman. Over the past few months I have been so busy with work projects and family which have been endless fun, but I never once didn’t think to include her in my plans and always extended invitations for her to join us. I messaged her several times a day to let her know I was thinking of her. She never wanted to go out so I stopped asking and the replies to my messages became shorter and more curt. I asked her if there was a problem and she said no so I left it at that. I have been immersed in work events; fashion shows and awards and I noticed that she didn’t ask how they were going, she didn’t attend any and ignored all my social media posts, not liking a single picture which I thought was strange. Then she had a personal issue which I couldn’t attend to as I was filming on a rather big project and this seemed to tip her over the edge. She blanked me. I did reach out to her and was ignored. It appears that because I didn’t leave a film crew dangling to go and see her annoyed the hell out of her. And anyone who has worked in this industry, will know how grueling filming can be and I was on an exhausting schedule with little sleep and no time for me to even attend my beloved gym. A week went by being completely ignored, having gone from speaking several times a day to being on the end of the silent treatment. One of my traits is that I can’t let things lie, if I feel there is a problem I have to speak out and try and solve it. As someone who grew up with being blanked by my parents, and my ex husband for years, being dismissed is not something I respond to well. Our paths crossed and she walked past me as if I was a stranger so I called over to her to ask what her problem was as any reasonable adult would do. She spun round and started yelling at me so profusely that spit was spraying out of her mouth, telling me that she didn’t want to be part of the “Amanda Moss show” anymore. I work in the media, my events are very public, I am also a small-time influencer that gets paid to post reels on social media and of course, I do public relations so I am always er, putting on a show of some kind. My work shouldn’t have been a surprise to her. Being yelled at in public, however is not something I tolerate and I realised that we never really had a friendship in the first place and she has no value in my life. Her attack was the ultimate betrayal. Letting go of people who aren’t likeminded has been a major flex for me in my personal quest for peace and happiness and I realise that cutting off people that don’t serve you the same respect is a major step in loving yourself. I am not even upset by the end of this friendship which says a lot about it. I recall often having to tiptoe around her dark mood swings which I don’t miss. I only wish her happiness in her life, my life is fulfilling enough. I am a kind person who likes to help others, a loyal person who will go out of my way for the people I care about. I like to see people thrive. But cross me and I will walk in the opposite direction. And as for my true friends, I love you all to the end of the earth and back and am grateful for our union. Anyway I thank her for the content inspiration for this blog, immortalised forever in her words, “the Amanda Moss show”. She will hate me even more for writing this blog which gives me a little bit of evil pleasure and while she may not be interested in my life, trust me, with what I have planned in the coming year there’s plenty who will be.
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NEW BLOG: ARE YOU LIVING YOUR LIFE’S POTENTIAL? I get told almost every week, “Oh you’re so lucky, you have an awesome life” but do you think that just accidentally happened to me? And do you not think that I have got to where I have today without a river of tears and more battle scars than an army? The difference between me and 90% of the population is that when I have been put down, emotionally trashed and faced failure and rejection, I had a little scream and a tantrum and then looked it in the face with steely determination to rise above it. Never compare your life to someone else’s especially what you see on social media. You have no idea the journey they have undertaken, the grief they have endured and the sacrifices they have made. Successful people make it look easy and envious but, like an iceberg, you only see the tip of their surface whereas below, in the vast depths of the ocean, lies its darkest secrets, wounds and strength. Successful people take risks and live life outside their comfort zone. They’re not afraid to face criticism, lose friends and walk alone for a life they strive. And there are limitless possibilities in life if you’re willing to embrace change. Who would have thought at my age that I would be asked to model for brands? I continually strive for a life of excitement and exploration. People stay stagnant, in jobs that don’t stimulate them, or relationships that don’t excite them in an environment that doesn’t challenge them and that’s fine if they’re content. For me, however, I have changed my life multiple times in my pursuit of happiness and my life’s purpose and as I get older I believe there’s so much more for me to undertake. And I hope to inspire my children to do the same and I think it’s rubbing off on them. Recently my daughter passed her A-levels and, like with all of them, I encouraged her to take a gap year to travel and have fun. She has half a century of work ahead of her. When she asked her brother for his advice he agreed with me and said, “Life isn’t a race.” Transformation is essential for success. People who transform generally have a positive mental health and wellbeing attitude and rarely complain. Optimism is my middle name. My ex husband used to tell me I lived in a dream world, which he threw at me as an insult but I took as a compliment. Because a dream becomes a purpose with a goal. Working in the media, I am hugely committed to my image and the gym has been a gamechanger for me. Not only am I physically fitter than I was 20 years ago, but I am physically and mentally stronger than I have ever been. Not that I am in competition with anyone but myself. I look at pictures of me from 10, 5 and 2 years ago seeking ways to improve myself and that’s not vanity (ok well maybe a little bit) but personal growth. Absolutely anyone can achieve anything I have done with weightloss, you just need to show up to the gym everyday. And those who say they don’t have time is a bullshit excuse. There’s 24 hours in a day, you can workout instead of watching TV or scrolling netflix. Go for a walk at lunchtime instead of sitting at a desk grazing on processed food. Too tired? Ironically undertaking a workout will give you an energy boost, just get off your arse. My auntie got a personal trainer at 70 and dropped two stone, it’s never too late. Successful people don’t make excuses or blame others or their circumstances because ultimately the power to change lies within you. In the past week, three people have messaged me about wanting to change their life and move abroad and asked me for advice because yes, living in the sunshine makes a huge difference. Today I shall be going to the beach after my spin class and spending my morning there soaking up the vitamin sea. Then in the afternoon I shall start my work which, yes, I am fortunate to do from anywhere but it’s a situation I crafted with careful planning. I will generate the same results from 5-6 hours work as I would do with double that time spent doing the same in the UK. I notice this a lot when I go back. The hustle doesn’t end for 12 hours a day with constant meetings and networking events and what’s the point? I return to Cyprus exhausted reflecting on how success in the UK is measured by how many hours a day you graft. That is no life I want to be a part of. Ultimately the biggest measure of success for me is freedom, To choose where and when I work. To not have to be accountable to anyone but myself. This doesn’t make me flippant, quite the contrary, successful people are often up all night (I started writing this at 4am) as their mind swirls with the next big challenge they’re undertaking. And one thing remains at the core of people’s success and that is passion. If you don’t love what you do and care about how you do it, then it will never work.And passion is something I seek in bucketloads. My life’s potential hasn't been met but I am on the path. I have a vision. I have a desire to improve daily and I have a commitment to learning. Potential doesn’t have a retirement age and my greatest regret in life would be to life it without striving to be better, bolder and ok, more beautiful. DO WE GET SELFISH AS WE GET OLDER AND IS IT A BAD THING?
I am just wondering, as I made a reel on instagram recently and it went viral with 125,000 views I announced that I was going to become more selfish as I get older. I am ⅔ of my way through life, way past middle aged unless God has a plan on me living to be over 100 and I am putting myself first. As parents, when we have children, we put our wants and wishes aside as we hope to raise better versions than ourselves. That is something I have nailed, my kids are awesome, kind humans. Sacrifice is second nature to becoming a parent, especially a mother. Since I was 30 I made a promise to myself that every big milestone birthday would be celebrated with a trip to somewhere new. On my 40th I went to Dubai. On my 50th I booked a trip to Barbados but changed the flight and sent two of my kids to New York instead as they had just finished their GCSEs and A-levels. It has always niggled me that I didn’t keep that promise to myself and for my next birthday I am hoping to go to Thailand on a boxing retreat with other company directors all hoping to reset our goals. Honestly, my bag is already packed. I need a new bathroom, the shower room needs fixing, I need to pay bills but I also need this trip for myself. And the bathroom, bills and long list of repair jobs can wait a month or two. As a mother we lose our independence and for many years I felt lost and dare I say it, trapped. I think many women will relate to this and are afraid to admit it. I adore my children and would do anything for them. I drain my bank account frequently to ensure they have everything they need and it brings me joy to see them happy and fulfilled. But it’s time for me to feel the same and travelling has always been my passion. In every relationship I have had I have always put my feelings second to keep a partner happy and it has always backfired and I was taken for granted and treated badly I have always financially supported everyone else as well as myself, no one has ever paid my bills and at times it’s been so stressful I have wanted to give up on my business. I never did, I powered through with determination. But what’s the point if you’re not going to enjoy what you’re doing? It really is my time now. Selfishness is not narcissism. The world does not revolve around me, it still revolves around my family. But rewarding myself for working hard is ok. I don’t care if people judge me, they aren’t living my life, other people’s opinions of me are irrelevant and I have gone through more flaky friends than cups of coffee I have drunk. My responsibilities are incredibly draining to the point of sometimes burnout and I need to replenish my own cup. Selfishness is self love. Not saying what I want in a relationship and setting my intentions has built up a lifetime of resentment. I won’t make that mistake again. Not declaring that I need a break used to lead to screaming tantrums as I struggled to deal with the overwhelming pressure. Now I prioritise myself. I have learned that it’s setting healthy boundaries, it’s perfectly ok to give myself permission to enjoy myself. So often we don’t say no for fear of being judged and not wanting to offend anyone.I already broke that pattern by moving abroad to protect my mental health. I honestly don’t care if I offend you; don’t follow me, don’t be my friend, don’t read my social media posts. This year I have told people I don’t want to work with them if they disrespect me or try to haggle down my prices. Well actually I think I may have just told them to fuck off. It may have cost me money but it certainly paid to keep my self worth intact. And did I mention that I won another business award for PR last month? Whatever I am doing is obviously working. Putting ourselves first can feel uncomfortable at first but it quickly becomes easier. Trust me, it’s liberating. It’s a valuable life skill to be able to be selfish with healthy boundaries. I told my kids I wanted to go to Thailand and was actually worried they would be annoyed with me. Instead they welcomed the idea and told me I should do it as they know it would make me happy. I am teaching them that it’s ok to do things for themselves too without guilt, an emotion that comes as second nature to adulthood. If we’re constantly giving our time and energy to others then we are putting our emotional and even physical health in jeopardy. Self-care allows us to maintain balance and continue functioning like a well-oiled machine that increases our ability to help care for others. Just as you would not expect your car to run continuously for 5,000 miles without stopping for gas or having its oil changed, you too cannot expect that of yourself! Running on empty eventually leads to a machine that no longer functions. I love being selfish. I love turning down invitations to going out if I don’t feel like it. I love choosing who I hang out with, I love being in control of what I am doing. And I love telling people to fuck off. Helen Mirran said she wish she had told more people to do so when she was younger. It doesn’t make me any less classy. It makes me strong and deliciously selfish. MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL HAPPINESS. I’d like to talk about money. I must spend 60% of my working month chasing invoices and I recently posted on social media requesting payments for tickets for the Lifestyle Awards which is only six weeks away. As a self employed businesswoman I don’t have the luxury of a regular salary dropping every month from a finance department and if I don’t get paid, neither do my bills and my events can’t run on glamour and personality alone. I commented that I was a proud capitalist who loves money and someone accused me of being a “money gremlin”. It got me thinking how we’re conditioned to think about money in a negative way, if we want it we’re greedy.If we don’t have it, we’re humble. Often when I chase an unpaid invoice I am greeted with abuse but that washes over me. I will not be made to feel guilty for asking for money owed to me for work I have completed. And I will happily confront someone who hasn’t paid me as I won’t be gaslighted to feel guilty for asking for what I am owed. Some people think money is a dirty word, like sex, but I like both in great abundance. Sadly at times I have had neither but it doesn’t stop me chasing it. Money is the root of all evil according to religious people because too many people adore it and you should only worship god. I don’t believe in god, and while I don’t worship money I love it and want it in great abundance for so many reasons. Money provides freedom to make choices and money provides food and a roof over my children’s heads which is the basic requirement for all humans. Covid hit me hard, I went from running a business with a six-figure turnover to losing all my unpaid invoices overnight and all my advertisers. I couldn’t print my magazine or run my events for two years and I was left without a regular income for over a year. My savings quickly dried up and I went from abundance to scarcity pretty quickly. It made me realise how important money was to me, and how much I missed it. We should not be embarrassed to love money, we should not be afraid to love having money. As I get older I want to create more money so that I have something to pass onto my children so they don’t have the same hardships I have faced in life. I have always talked about money with my kids and encouraged them to both save and spend on themselves. I don’t charge my adult kids rent to live in the home they grew up in, although they offer to help with bills if I have a short month. They’re able to save for their own homes which will take possibly a decade given the current state of the housing market, but that’s another story. I bought my first home with a £3000 deposit, they don’t have that luxury. People say making your kids pay rent at home teaches them about commitment but my kids are way more financially responsible than me. If I have it, I will spend it. Granted, mostly on them. Money creates so many emotions. It can make us feel happy when we achieve our goals, proud when we earn recognition, jealous when we compare ourselves to others, greedy when we want more than we need, or anxious when we face uncertainty.Money provides a safety net, shielding us from life's uncertainties and granting us peace of mind. I can safely say that all my anxiety issues and insomnia are caused by money worries. I have been financially independent all my life and have paid all the bills since I was 18. I never had anyone to share that responsibility and I don’t have any family who can help me out, I am completely reliant upon myself. So I don’t resent my bank account anymore and I am not afraid to check my balance. And I will treat myself because I work hard and I deserve it. Loving money is a way of loving ourselves. You've probably heard of saving described as “Paying yourself first.” By learning to love, respect, and value money, we learn to love, respect and value ourselves. I am not a money gremlin but a money goddess. YOU ARE WHAT YOU WEAR: I went on a lunch date last week and my friend asked me what I was wearing and told me not to go over the top. If you know anything about me, if someone tells me not to do something, I’ll do it twice with a cherry on top. The date was lunch at a pool bar in 33 degree heat so I wore a shiny gold metallic bikini covered with an animal print short dress and oversized black shades and Moschino sandals.. She said it gave off ‘90s mobster wife vibes and I laughed. That look is very much en vogue and Mob wife fashion is synonymous with opulence, exuding a sense of confidence and authority. Which is basically me. I am way past looking for validation for what I wear, especially from a man. If he doesn’t like my style, that’s not my problem. And if I come across as too confident? That’s on him, I’m not extra, he just isn’t enough. It’s been over a year since I have been on a date, I haven’t been bothered to and no one has matched up to my level of interest. But it was fun to dress up and it got me thinking about the effort women go to to impress a man. Not me, I dress for me. I do my hair, lashes and nails for me to make myself feel good. Women spend most of their lives being dictated to by men about how to dress whether we like it or not. According to a 2023 report on diversity by the British Fashion Council, despite women making up the majority of customers, most senior roles in fashion are held by men. More than 85% of graduates from top fashion schools are female, but only around 14% of the top 50 major fashion brands are run by women. In America less than 50% of the top womenswear brands are run by women. Isn’t that shocking and so wrong? It’s bad enough that society dictates what size we should be in order to appear attractive but how are men holding the majority of management positions in women’s fashion? Men think they know women. Sorry let me rephrase that. Men think they know everything. Our clothes alter at different stages of the month. Men can’t possibly understand how we feel when we’re on our period, are pregnant, have given birth, are going through menopause and our clothes have to reflect that. What we wear says a lot about us – it can reveal our personal style, values, and even our moods. In many ways, the clothes we choose to buy are a form of self-expression, and can communicate a lot about who we are and what we stand for. You’ll never catch me in a floatie floral summer dress to my ankles. At 5ft 2 it will look like I’ve stepped out in a duvet cover. My clothes are my personal signature, as are yours. Wear what makes you feel comfortable and gorgeous. Your clothes don’t matter to anyone but yourself, so let go of others' expectations of how you should dress. Ironically if you ask a man’s opinion on “how do I look?” he’ll stand there terrified of saying the wrong thing. So change the script. Ask yourself how you feel in the outfit you stand in. The most important thing to remember is that we all have flaws and there isn’t such a thing as the perfect body. We all have beautiful features. And ultimately the most stunning thing you will wear is your confidence and your smile and people will always judge you no matter what you slip on. I have been in the fashion PR industry for over 20 years and run Liverpool Fashion Week. Style in the high street reinvents itself like the ra-ra skirt, probably because the men at the top are managing what lines go in store. Wouldn’t it be ever so refreshing if women were put in charge?. Sorry not sorry. I stand for “don’t fuck with me.” It’s a liberating style, you should try it. And if you’re wondering how the date went, he’s caught my attention. I think I may see him again and I have just the outfit in mind. WHY ADULTS SHOULD PLAY This week I received a press release entitled, “The tragedy of becoming an adult” and it got me thinking about how we’re supposed to behave at certain ages. How many people have judged a pair of women sliding off their chairs in peels of laughter in a restaurant for sharing something funny between them? Or glanced disapprovingly at people over the age of 30 dancing on the table in a bar? Three years ago I took my eldest daughter to Tromso, north of the Arctic Circle. I booked us a trip at midnight to see the Northern lights and as we all got off the minibus and waded waist deep in snow, I threw a snowball at her. A full-on snowball fight ensued and we were rolling around in the snow chucking snowballs at each other, giggling hysterically to the point when I couldn’t breathe whilst the rest of the group looked bewildered at us wondering how to react. Every year my kids line the swimming pool with floaties from one end to the other and we carry out our own version of Total Wipeout. Last year a woman leaned over the balcony of her apartment to ask us to stop laughing so loud as it was disturbing her watching television. Can you imagine being so miserable and bitter? I was always the mother climbing into the ball pool with my toddler children and going down slides with them, I took them as an excuse so I could go. This weekend I’m part of a three day hen party, or Brenda Bender as it was recently labelled, in Ayia Napa where we’ll be throwing ourselves into the foam party at Nissi beach, knocking back shots at the clubs and generally having a jolly good time. Recent studies have shown how play is vital for adults to keep our brains flexible and open, ensure spontaneity and interconnection, and can go as far as to alleviate depression. Yet many don’t make the time, for fear of judgment or sheer lack of ability—the average adult now logs more hours at work than a 14th-century peasant according to Newsweek. I can’t imagine a world where I am not playing or laughing or dancing or singing the wrong lyrics to songs I love.. I’ve been labelled ‘wild’ because I don’t conform to society’s expectations of a woman in her 50s. Why shouldn’t I have fun? I’m fitter than many people half my age and have more energy than most. Am I supposed to just sit in a rocking chair for the next 30 years and wait to die? So many people choose to do this and it’s existing, not living. Every adult should make time to play and be silly. It’s so restricting when you’re worried what other people think of you. Recently my daughter said to me, “Don’t you think you’re too ld to do that?” And I asked her why? Because we’re conditioned in society to behave a certain way, to not draw attention to ourselves. When we hit 40, are we supposed to sip G&T’s listening to classical music, nodding occasionally with a little smile in appreciation of our circumstances? My brain still functions as a 25 year old but without the inhibitions and anxiety that come with youth. Laughter has a positive impact on nearly your entire body — it benefits your immune system and respiratory function, aids muscle relaxation, assists with pain relief, and stimulates circulation. Laughing also has a role in the process of healthy aging which is why I look younger than my actual age. Adults should definitely take time to play, it’s also been proved to sharpen your sense of humour which is why I am so fucking hilarious. In a world where we’re conditioned to focus on work and reaching our goals, manage our finances and generally being successful it’s also important to remember to loosen up. Play is similar to meditation in that it helps you focus on where you're at in the moment and reset your busy, perpetually exhausted adult mind. Work hard, play harder is not just a phrase, it’s my mantra. DID I ASK?I’m on multi social media platforms but there’s one I can’t stand and that’s LinkedIn. Have you listened to the people on it lately? Who are they trying to impress? It’s like a bunch of kids in a classroom and they’re trying to fight for the teacher’s attention. “Ooh, listen to me, I know the answer, I’m an expert.” No one’s interested really, and as my best friend and I say regularly, did I ask? Everytime I go on Linkedin a little part of my soul dies. I’m not corporate and I have never bought into the mass market world. Everyone on LinkedIn is trying to prove their saleable worth. Hypocritical as it may be, I feel compelled to check into LinkedIn everyday, not for a fear of missing out but just to reinforce my hatred of the corporate world. Chill people, no one on their death bed uttered the words, “I wish I spent more time at the office.” And when you work for someone else you’re easily dispensable. I have been made redundant four times over my working lifetime. Do you think your team leader or boss is really going to love you any more for posting how excited and delighted you are that you’re starting a new job with them? No one cares that you went to a networking event to kill a few hours away from the desk that you actually hate, and munched on stale croissants whilst drinking lukewarm crap coffee all morning instead of actually doing any productive work. Over my working lifetime I have been to hundreds of networking events and see the same faces waffling over the same stories. My inbox is littered with spam mail from Linkedin “experts”; Business coaches offering to free up your time so you’re more productive. Here’s a hint. Do some actual work instead of posting bullshit posts about how saleable you are. SEO marketers on LinkedIn offering to boost my google ranking daily. Yawn.Just now I received an inmail “My core strength is supporting the business leader (you) to lift your head up and create the life you want instead of being a slave to the business.” Newslash Dave… Chin’s already up and I already have. Perhaps if you did your research and read my bio you’d see that instead of wasting your time messaging me. Here’s another email sent to me “I help my clients achieve this by integrating somatic, emotional, and cognitive approaches into a personalized growth plan” Ooh someone’s used a thesaurus.True marketeers already know their target market. Guess where I am working from and here’s a clue: It requires a bikini. Another email today… “Do you want marketing help handpicked for you?” Hmmm, let me think. And no I don’t want to schedule a 15-minute call with you. At the end of the day when you’re an employee you’re easily replaceable no matter how much you brag about your value. If you’re truly good at what you do, and not just bullshit about what you’re capable of, work will find you through word of mouth recommendations.Take all those valuable skills you’ve harnessed in the roles you’ve worked in and step into the self employment world. It’s tough and scary at times but only then, when you realise that there’s no glass ceiling for earnings when you work for yourself, that you can call the shots and decide how you live your life. CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET? Have you ever been asked to keep a secret? Like a huge secret? A potential life changing secret? Well I have recently and I can’t decide if it’s a burden or a privilege that I have been tasked with this. And as a complete oversharer usually, I am in unchartered waters. But actually as the days go on, I’ve realised it’s fun to keep the secret and the secret I have been tasked to keep is so big, I honestly am in no rush to tell anyone. Not even a hint or a clue. It’s all mine. It’s human nature to want to share news and as a blogger and journalist, it’s what I do daily but this time, this secret being protected in a little incubator with a three pin password and verification code implanted in my brain. The fact that it’s been trusted solely with me is making start each day with a little skip and a jump of joy too. I feel special. According to a study published by the American Psychological Association keeping good news a secret before telling someone else could make people feel more alive. “Positive secrets that people choose to keep should make them feel good, and positive emotion is a known predictor of feeling energized,” said Michael Slepian, PhD, an associate professor of business at Columbia University. “While negative secrets are far more common than positive secrets, some of life’s most joyful occasions such as pregnancy and engagements begin as secrets. (The research was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.) We’re taught as kids that keeping secrets is bad and therapists tell us everyday that it’s better to talk it out… but I’m just letting you know that I’m not telling a soul. Shhhhh. Don’t even ask. This cat is staying firmly in the bag and my lips are sealed. Ask me about anything else, I’m eager to overshare details of the shitty things the callous ex did and I’m happy to divulge updates on my fluctuating bank accounts and news surrounding my dysfunctional family and the trauma they laid on me, but this particular secret is strictly confidential. It’s actually so much fun to keep. And don’t worry, no one’s been murdered. There are times when keeping a secret can be a burden on your soul, like if you find out someone you love has been cheated on; do you tell them or risk being accused of trying to break up a relationship. Some people are so blinkered they’re unwilling to see the truth regardless and you can end up being the bad guy. Ultimately people keep secrets to protect their reputation or someone else's. People keep secrets to hide their shame of drug dependency or other addictions and that’s not advisable as they’re denying themselves the chance to get help and it’s never good to struggle alone.Fortunately my big little secret isn’t going to affect anyone’s mental health and I think I am beyond help anyway. I am at an age when I am past caring what people think of me now. As long as my kids are happy and I am not hurting anyone then I am doing no harm.My circle is so tight now it’s like a little dot. I trust no -one so ironically I have no one to share my secret with anyway. So actually this blog is irrelevant. I’ll shut up then and go about my business as usual. With a little smirk that I know something you don’t. WHY I DON'T PARADE MY CHILDREN IN PUBLIC I am a mum of six amazing children and how they’re growing up to be successful career-driven adults who don’t take drugs is one of my finest achievements. But I don’t need to ram it down people’s throats that I am a mother, in fact because of the independent lifestyle and constant travelling I do, many people are surprised I have children because I don’t feel the need to talk about them all the time. They motivate me to work hard so I can pay for them to live in a nice house together but they do not define me. Their welfare is my priority and I love them unconditionally but I am my own person with my own identity. And ultimately they’re going off to live their own lives anyway and check in with me every few days if I’m lucky. For a long time, when they were much younger, I felt I was fumbling around in a fog, on autopilot getting up in the night, going to work, coming home and attending to their demands. My needs weren’t ever in the equation. I felt my identity as Amanda was gone and I became this fat, lacklustre woman who read holiday brochures as a means of escape and spent endless nights screaming inwardly. Until one day just before lockdown I had enough. Bored in my marriage and wanting more from MY life I relocated my business to Cyprus. My eldest daughter joined me for the first year as I made the adjustment and the fog lifted. As mothers, it’s so easy to fall into a robotic pattern and that actually makes us good mothers as we put our needs last. But it doesn’t have to be forever. Through the distance from my children, I actually learned more about them as individuals; as we actually took the time to speak to each other on an entirely different level of communication. I am not going to pretend it wasn’t easy for all of us but now we are in a comfortable pattern of where I split my time between Cyprus and the UK; not just for business purposes but of course to spend time with my kids. I don’t need to advertise it on social media or bore my friends with stories of them. And I don’t feel the need to. And I love my time to myself to do the things I want to do; go dancing, go to the beach or sit in my apartment enjoying the peace and quiet. I am allowed to post a family photo of us all together two or three times a year- Christmas, my birthday and summer holiday. Apart from that posting photos of my kids is off-limits unless I get group WhatsApp chat approval from them all. And that’s fine. I didn’t give birth for them to be paraded on social media as status symbols. My children inspire me to go off and lead the life I want, because as a mother I want what’s best for them and if they have a happy mother, their lives are going to be more fulfilled and stable than being around a mother who is depressed and constantly complaining. My independence has given them confidence and shown them that they, too, can live a limitless life where they can follow their dreams. I don’t need to gush publicly about every little thing they do, or every achievement they make, but I will tell them everyday that I love them and I am proud of them. Mothers are judged for everything they do and say, and one of the first questions people always asked me when my kids were younger was, how do you manage and I always replied “By throwing the parenting manuals out of the window.” What works for one may not work for someone else but that doesn’t mean you’re a bad mother. The only opinions of me that matter are those of my kids and even then I sometimes push the boundaries. I am a wild card, a free spirit, a mum of six but, ultimately, Amanda. FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT? Should you fake it until you make it? And at what point do you think you have made it and when should you stop? Or do you set another target and start all over again? Fake it till you make it refers to the idea of projecting self-confidence in order to convince yourself that you can attain a goal that you feel as though you do not yet have the skills to achieve. Richard Branson said that if someone asks if you can do a task, say yes immediately and then worry about how to do it later. After all, we’re always learning new skills and this is how we grow professionally and personally. There’s a difference, though between being fake, and faking it. Just look on LinkedIN, everyone is posting publicly about how amazing they are and how their business is booming. But when I speak to people face to face many have recently owned up to how much they’re struggling for new clients and cashflow is drying up. I have learned over the last year how fake friends can be. They’re no longer in my life and though I was sad to let them go, I don’t want them to reappear. They were conditional friends, happy to be around me as long as I had something to offer them- free tickets to an event, free drinks in a bar, introduction to my contacts that may benefit themfree goodies I shared when I was sent promotional products and even free PR advice. The list is endless. Once they got everything out of me they turned on me with their behaviour and so I cut ties. That kind of fakery can fuck off. It’s perfectly okay to elevate your status and say how marvellous you are. If you don’t believe you are, how do you expect others to? I tell people I offer consultancy to that they must brag about their business products and services, if you don’t believe you’re the best then you’re basically telling people to go someplace better. Without being in delulu land and you can back it up, then a little embellishment goes a long way, after all that is what advertising and PR executives do everyday. Faking it until you make it can be a positive thing, it may encourage you to be more productive at work in order to get the sales you want. The filtered insta pics of you sucking in your stomach can spur you on to do that extra workout. I am guilty of them both but I am not fake, I spill my guts out on social media everyday. I admit to botox and every beauty enhancement and age defying treatment offered to me. If you want to come across as a happy person but inside you’re crying with stress, force a smile. If you want to come across as a popular person but you’ve spoken to no one in three days, act more friendly and warm. Focus less on your faults as that will just lead into a spiral of self sabotage. Faking it until you make it is absolutely fine if it is about changing your behavior first and trusting the feelings will follow. As long as your motivation is in the right place, faking it until you make it can effectively make your goals become reality. Just make sure you're interested in changing yourself on the inside, not simply trying to people please or boast that you’re better than someone else. That’s not endearing. Ultimately be the change you want to see and stay authentic. |