 FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT?
Should you fake it until you make it? And at what point do you think you have made it and when should you stop? Or do you set another target and start all over again? Fake it till you make it refers to the idea of projecting self-confidence in order to convince yourself that you can attain a goal that you feel as though you do not yet have the skills to achieve. Richard Branson said that if someone asks if you can do a task, say yes immediately and then worry about how to do it later. After all, we’re always learning new skills and this is how we grow professionally and personally. There’s a difference, though between being fake, and faking it. Just look on LinkedIN, everyone is posting publicly about how amazing they are and how their business is booming. But when I speak to people face to face many have recently owned up to how much they’re struggling for new clients and cashflow is drying up. I have learned over the last year how fake friends can be. They’re no longer in my life and though I was sad to let them go, I don’t want them to reappear. They were conditional friends, happy to be around me as long as I had something to offer them- free tickets to an event, free drinks in a bar, introduction to my contacts that may benefit themfree goodies I shared when I was sent promotional products and even free PR advice. The list is endless. Once they got everything out of me they turned on me with their behaviour and so I cut ties. That kind of fakery can fuck off. It’s perfectly okay to elevate your status and say how marvellous you are. If you don’t believe you are, how do you expect others to? I tell people I offer consultancy to that they must brag about their business products and services, if you don’t believe you’re the best then you’re basically telling people to go someplace better. Without being in delulu land and you can back it up, then a little embellishment goes a long way, after all that is what advertising and PR executives do everyday. Faking it until you make it can be a positive thing, it may encourage you to be more productive at work in order to get the sales you want. The filtered insta pics of you sucking in your stomach can spur you on to do that extra workout. I am guilty of them both but I am not fake, I spill my guts out on social media everyday. I admit to botox and every beauty enhancement and age defying treatment offered to me. If you want to come across as a happy person but inside you’re crying with stress, force a smile. If you want to come across as a popular person but you’ve spoken to no one in three days, act more friendly and warm. Focus less on your faults as that will just lead into a spiral of self sabotage. Faking it until you make it is absolutely fine if it is about changing your behavior first and trusting the feelings will follow. As long as your motivation is in the right place, faking it until you make it can effectively make your goals become reality. Just make sure you're interested in changing yourself on the inside, not simply trying to people please or boast that you’re better than someone else. That’s not endearing. Ultimately be the change you want to see and stay authentic.
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 RULES ARE MEANT TO BE BROKEN
I don’t like being told what to do. I am sure it stems from my childhood being locked in my room and having extreme discipline applied to me by a controlling mother who threatened me with violence if I didn’t comply to her rules. While I excelled in school academically, I resented my teachers for the stupid rules they imposed. What difference did it make to my education if I rolled my skirt up or wore black eyeliner? My reports constantly criticised me talking in class, a skill I honed into a career. School was my social life, my happy retreat from an unhappy home life and the teachers annoyingly got in the way of that. I wanted to be a journalist since I was a teenager, the main reason being that I didn’t want a desk job and I knew I could wear what I want. And of course, I loved writing. Don’t put me in a uniform, I will cut it up and turn it into a completely different outfit. I was not born to be a sheep. On my first day on the job as a reporter for my local newspaper, my editor instructed me to go out and find a front page lead and not come back to the office until I had. I went out and found a story within a few hours and then took a couple of days off to go shopping and spend time with my boyfriend who was studying at university. When I worked in television I would often take long lunches to go to the afternoon matinee performance at the cinema alone. Probably why I excel at being an entrepreneur, I can only work on my terms. I recently landed a part job as a PR manager and in my interview, I told them I would only take the job if I could work remotely and continue to fly back and forth to Cyprus. It’s a fact that when people tell us what to do, many of us rebel against it. If I feel my choices are being restricted I will either run a mile or do the exact opposite of what I am being told to do. My ex-personal trainer called me up on this several times, and I frustrated the hell out of him when he was trying to coach me. It was only when he left that I took it upon myself to train on my terms, qualify as a Les Mills Bodypump instructor, tone up and build the muscle I wanted. Being told what to do triggers my emotional response to my freedom being restricted and I enjoy my little rebellions. I regularly took my kids out of school in term time to go on holidays. Threatened with fines which I never paid, I turned it into a PR campaign against the school and ended up on national TV. I developed a fashion brand during Liverpool Fashion Week one year with the slogan “Rules are meant to be broken”. It went down a storm. During the pandemic I refused to wear a mask. During take off of a flight I don’t listen to the safety brief. I encourage my children to also be assertive and not do everything they’re told. When my eldest daughter was in sixth form and a teacher was rude to her and talked over her, my daughter told her to fuck off under her breath. This promptly led to me being called into school. In the end I had the teacher apologise to my daughter for being disrespectful. Currently my daughter is experiencing problems with a teacher constantly yelling in class. She answered her back and asked the teacher not to shout which led to a detention which I refused to allow my daughter to attend. Schools try and condition you into adhering to rules that you have to follow through life but many of these are just controlling and create limited beliefs. I wish my school had shown us how to start our own businesses rather than preach about falling into 9-5 employment which is existing, not living. The ex, stuck in a grey desk job he resented, criticised me for the way I worked but I now know it was probably out of fear that he couldn’t do it because he was conditioned to follow instructions. People who break rules are liberated, our brains can think freely and our creative juices flow without limitations. Of course I am not talking about hijacking a car and ramraiding a shop, or committing murder, although I have been tempted to at times. There is a pressure to conform to society and many are scared of how we will be judged. Let that fear go. Following rules is one thing. Sticking to the norms to be accepted by others is a different matter. Rules that restrict your lifestyle can be broken and the consequences can be incredibly uplifting. On the other side of fear is freedom. |
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