 YOU ARE WHAT YOU WEAR:
I went on a lunch date last week and my friend asked me what I was wearing and told me not to go over the top. If you know anything about me, if someone tells me not to do something, I’ll do it twice with a cherry on top. The date was lunch at a pool bar in 33 degree heat so I wore a shiny gold metallic bikini covered with an animal print short dress and oversized black shades and Moschino sandals.. She said it gave off ‘90s mobster wife vibes and I laughed. That look is very much en vogue and Mob wife fashion is synonymous with opulence, exuding a sense of confidence and authority. Which is basically me. I am way past looking for validation for what I wear, especially from a man. If he doesn’t like my style, that’s not my problem. And if I come across as too confident? That’s on him, I’m not extra, he just isn’t enough. It’s been over a year since I have been on a date, I haven’t been bothered to and no one has matched up to my level of interest. But it was fun to dress up and it got me thinking about the effort women go to to impress a man. Not me, I dress for me. I do my hair, lashes and nails for me to make myself feel good. Women spend most of their lives being dictated to by men about how to dress whether we like it or not. According to a 2023 report on diversity by the British Fashion Council, despite women making up the majority of customers, most senior roles in fashion are held by men. More than 85% of graduates from top fashion schools are female, but only around 14% of the top 50 major fashion brands are run by women. In America less than 50% of the top womenswear brands are run by women. Isn’t that shocking and so wrong? It’s bad enough that society dictates what size we should be in order to appear attractive but how are men holding the majority of management positions in women’s fashion? Men think they know women. Sorry let me rephrase that. Men think they know everything. Our clothes alter at different stages of the month. Men can’t possibly understand how we feel when we’re on our period, are pregnant, have given birth, are going through menopause and our clothes have to reflect that. What we wear says a lot about us – it can reveal our personal style, values, and even our moods. In many ways, the clothes we choose to buy are a form of self-expression, and can communicate a lot about who we are and what we stand for. You’ll never catch me in a floatie floral summer dress to my ankles. At 5ft 2 it will look like I’ve stepped out in a duvet cover. My clothes are my personal signature, as are yours. Wear what makes you feel comfortable and gorgeous. Your clothes don’t matter to anyone but yourself, so let go of others' expectations of how you should dress. Ironically if you ask a man’s opinion on “how do I look?” he’ll stand there terrified of saying the wrong thing. So change the script. Ask yourself how you feel in the outfit you stand in. The most important thing to remember is that we all have flaws and there isn’t such a thing as the perfect body. We all have beautiful features. And ultimately the most stunning thing you will wear is your confidence and your smile and people will always judge you no matter what you slip on. I have been in the fashion PR industry for over 20 years and run Liverpool Fashion Week. Style in the high street reinvents itself like the ra-ra skirt, probably because the men at the top are managing what lines go in store. Wouldn’t it be ever so refreshing if women were put in charge?. Sorry not sorry. I stand for “don’t fuck with me.” It’s a liberating style, you should try it. And if you’re wondering how the date went, he’s caught my attention. I think I may see him again and I have just the outfit in mind.
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 WHY ADULTS SHOULD PLAY
This week I received a press release entitled, “The tragedy of becoming an adult” and it got me thinking about how we’re supposed to behave at certain ages. How many people have judged a pair of women sliding off their chairs in peels of laughter in a restaurant for sharing something funny between them? Or glanced disapprovingly at people over the age of 30 dancing on the table in a bar? Three years ago I took my eldest daughter to Tromso, north of the Arctic Circle. I booked us a trip at midnight to see the Northern lights and as we all got off the minibus and waded waist deep in snow, I threw a snowball at her. A full-on snowball fight ensued and we were rolling around in the snow chucking snowballs at each other, giggling hysterically to the point when I couldn’t breathe whilst the rest of the group looked bewildered at us wondering how to react. Every year my kids line the swimming pool with floaties from one end to the other and we carry out our own version of Total Wipeout. Last year a woman leaned over the balcony of her apartment to ask us to stop laughing so loud as it was disturbing her watching television. Can you imagine being so miserable and bitter? I was always the mother climbing into the ball pool with my toddler children and going down slides with them, I took them as an excuse so I could go. This weekend I’m part of a three day hen party, or Brenda Bender as it was recently labelled, in Ayia Napa where we’ll be throwing ourselves into the foam party at Nissi beach, knocking back shots at the clubs and generally having a jolly good time. Recent studies have shown how play is vital for adults to keep our brains flexible and open, ensure spontaneity and interconnection, and can go as far as to alleviate depression. Yet many don’t make the time, for fear of judgment or sheer lack of ability—the average adult now logs more hours at work than a 14th-century peasant according to Newsweek. I can’t imagine a world where I am not playing or laughing or dancing or singing the wrong lyrics to songs I love.. I’ve been labelled ‘wild’ because I don’t conform to society’s expectations of a woman in her 50s. Why shouldn’t I have fun? I’m fitter than many people half my age and have more energy than most. Am I supposed to just sit in a rocking chair for the next 30 years and wait to die? So many people choose to do this and it’s existing, not living. Every adult should make time to play and be silly. It’s so restricting when you’re worried what other people think of you. Recently my daughter said to me, “Don’t you think you’re too ld to do that?” And I asked her why? Because we’re conditioned in society to behave a certain way, to not draw attention to ourselves. When we hit 40, are we supposed to sip G&T’s listening to classical music, nodding occasionally with a little smile in appreciation of our circumstances? My brain still functions as a 25 year old but without the inhibitions and anxiety that come with youth. Laughter has a positive impact on nearly your entire body — it benefits your immune system and respiratory function, aids muscle relaxation, assists with pain relief, and stimulates circulation. Laughing also has a role in the process of healthy aging which is why I look younger than my actual age. Adults should definitely take time to play, it’s also been proved to sharpen your sense of humour which is why I am so fucking hilarious. In a world where we’re conditioned to focus on work and reaching our goals, manage our finances and generally being successful it’s also important to remember to loosen up. Play is similar to meditation in that it helps you focus on where you're at in the moment and reset your busy, perpetually exhausted adult mind. Work hard, play harder is not just a phrase, it’s my mantra. |
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