![]() WHY I DON'T PARADE MY CHILDREN IN PUBLIC I am a mum of six amazing children and how they’re growing up to be successful career-driven adults who don’t take drugs is one of my finest achievements. But I don’t need to ram it down people’s throats that I am a mother, in fact because of the independent lifestyle and constant travelling I do, many people are surprised I have children because I don’t feel the need to talk about them all the time. They motivate me to work hard so I can pay for them to live in a nice house together but they do not define me. Their welfare is my priority and I love them unconditionally but I am my own person with my own identity. And ultimately they’re going off to live their own lives anyway and check in with me every few days if I’m lucky. For a long time, when they were much younger, I felt I was fumbling around in a fog, on autopilot getting up in the night, going to work, coming home and attending to their demands. My needs weren’t ever in the equation. I felt my identity as Amanda was gone and I became this fat, lacklustre woman who read holiday brochures as a means of escape and spent endless nights screaming inwardly. Until one day just before lockdown I had enough. Bored in my marriage and wanting more from MY life I relocated my business to Cyprus. My eldest daughter joined me for the first year as I made the adjustment and the fog lifted. As mothers, it’s so easy to fall into a robotic pattern and that actually makes us good mothers as we put our needs last. But it doesn’t have to be forever. Through the distance from my children, I actually learned more about them as individuals; as we actually took the time to speak to each other on an entirely different level of communication. I am not going to pretend it wasn’t easy for all of us but now we are in a comfortable pattern of where I split my time between Cyprus and the UK; not just for business purposes but of course to spend time with my kids. I don’t need to advertise it on social media or bore my friends with stories of them. And I don’t feel the need to. And I love my time to myself to do the things I want to do; go dancing, go to the beach or sit in my apartment enjoying the peace and quiet. I am allowed to post a family photo of us all together two or three times a year- Christmas, my birthday and summer holiday. Apart from that posting photos of my kids is off-limits unless I get group WhatsApp chat approval from them all. And that’s fine. I didn’t give birth for them to be paraded on social media as status symbols. My children inspire me to go off and lead the life I want, because as a mother I want what’s best for them and if they have a happy mother, their lives are going to be more fulfilled and stable than being around a mother who is depressed and constantly complaining. My independence has given them confidence and shown them that they, too, can live a limitless life where they can follow their dreams. I don’t need to gush publicly about every little thing they do, or every achievement they make, but I will tell them everyday that I love them and I am proud of them. Mothers are judged for everything they do and say, and one of the first questions people always asked me when my kids were younger was, how do you manage and I always replied “By throwing the parenting manuals out of the window.” What works for one may not work for someone else but that doesn’t mean you’re a bad mother. The only opinions of me that matter are those of my kids and even then I sometimes push the boundaries. I am a wild card, a free spirit, a mum of six but, ultimately, Amanda.
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