I've been single for a while. OK, technically I am married but the divorce is on its way and we have been separated for over three years. I have dabbled on and off the dating scene but one thing I am learning is that men say one thing and mean another.
My job, apparently is a huge red flag for the men I have met.. They say they're attracted to a strong, independent, good-looking woman who runs her own business but the reality is that every man I have encountered is threatened by it. I run a public relations company, I network every day, I go to meetings, parties, corporate launches, and film premieres. Basically I will go to the opening of an envelope as I never know what opportunity may arise from it. I create events that bring hundreds of people together. To make this happen I have to be super active on social media. My reels and posts are aimed at catching the attention of potential new clients and it's worked for me for the last 15 years so I am not going to change. It's also quite entertaining for me.
My last boyfriend dumped me unceremoniously because he said I was intolerable, he hated my social media attention, ironic really as he initially contacted me through social media under the guise of working with me.
More recently I met a guy who we seemed to click with quite rapidly. He ticked my boxes, he was smart with a very intelligent career, financially independent with a banging personality to boot. But as soon as I mentioned I was hosting and producing the Lifestyle Awards he started to twitch because he was unable to attend due to family commitments. Who was I going with? Who was I seated with? If I was going to get chatted up would I tell him?
I had a guest list of 200 people, and of course I was going to chat to everyone, they're all business prospects. Some men can't grasp this. It's as if my work is irrelevant.
I am super independent, I have had to be to financially support my children and also because I require the freedom to carry out my days as I please. I am lucky enough to work my own hours, meet friends for lunch and go the the gym when I want. This doesn’t mean I don’t work hard, I am frequently writing at 4 in the morning. I run businesses in two countries and have clients in many more. I catch a flight every month, this is my lifestyle and I want someone who is confident in themselves to not red flag me every time I am out of their sight.
Getting a boyfriend isn’t a priority but I am human and like the idea of being with someone. But every man I come across who shows a glimmer of interest rapidly declines into what seems like a competitive sport and I lose interest equally as fast.
I have been through more testing times than the average woman, I think, and I finally know my worth and would rather stay single than battle a man over my career and social life which is crucial to me. But here’s a message for all the men out there who are threatened by a strong independent woman, we’re not interested in what you earn. We’re interested in how you treat us.
My success inspires and motivates others and I am not going to water it down to massage your ego. My income is not relevant to your self-worth, hell I was married to a man who didn't work for over a decade.
Strong, independent women want a partner who encourages them and supports them in their lives and at the same time, gives them the space to do what they need to do. My lifestyle is not intimidating to someone who has high self-esteem and understands the hard work and long hours that have been necessary to get to where I am. Owning a business is different to being an employee. We can’t switch off in the evenings or weekends, we’re always thinking of the next move to elevate our success. And if men don’t feel worthy of us they’ll start sabotaging the relationship by putting us down, trying to crush our self confidence, gaslighting us into telling we're crazy and unstable and making us feel like shit. This is a reflection of their insecurities, not ours. We’re not thinking about jumping on every dick that talks to us over a glass of wine. We’re looking for men who enhance our careers and our lifestyles, who are our biggest cheerleaders. My children, especially my sons, have been brought up to support these badass women so hopefully the next generation will be more tolerable and understanding.
As for me, I am done with dating. I genuinely don’t think there’s a man out there who could match what I offer. And that’s fine, I am comfortable hanging out with my sassy beautiful girlfriends in similar positions. We're a pedigree breed that few can afford.
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