DID  I ASK?I’m on multi social media platforms but there’s one I can’t stand and that’s LinkedIn. Have you listened to the people on it lately? Who are they trying to impress? It’s like a bunch of kids in a classroom and they’re trying to fight for the teacher’s attention. “Ooh, listen to me, I know the answer, I’m an expert.” No one’s interested really, and as my best friend and I say regularly, did I ask? 
Everytime I go on Linkedin a little part of my soul dies. I’m not corporate and I have never bought into the mass market world. Everyone on LinkedIn is trying to prove their saleable worth. Hypocritical as it may be, I feel compelled to check into LinkedIn everyday, not for a fear of missing out but just to reinforce my hatred of the corporate world. Chill people, no one on their death bed uttered the words, “I wish I spent more time at the office.” And when you work for someone else you’re easily dispensable. I have been made redundant four times over my working lifetime. Do you think your team leader or boss is really going to love you any more for posting how excited and delighted you are that you’re starting a new job with them? No one cares that you went to a networking event to kill a few hours away from the desk that you actually hate, and munched on stale croissants whilst drinking lukewarm crap coffee all morning instead of actually doing any productive work. Over my working lifetime I have been to hundreds of networking events and see the same faces waffling over the same stories.
My inbox is littered with spam mail from Linkedin “experts”; Business coaches offering to free up your time so you’re more productive. Here’s a hint. Do some actual work instead of posting bullshit posts about how saleable you are.  SEO marketers on LinkedIn offering to boost my google ranking daily. Yawn.Just now I received an inmail “​My core strength is supporting the business leader (you) to lift your head up and create the life you want instead of being a slave to the business.” Newslash Dave… Chin’s already up and I already have. Perhaps if you did your research and read my bio you’d see that instead of wasting your time messaging me.  Here’s another email sent to me “I help my clients achieve this by integrating somatic, emotional, and cognitive approaches into a personalized growth plan” Ooh someone’s used a thesaurus.True marketeers already know their target market. Guess where I am working from and here’s a clue: It requires a bikini.
Another email today… “Do you want marketing help handpicked for you?” Hmmm, let me think. And no I don’t want to schedule a 15-minute call with you.
At the end of the day when you’re an employee you’re easily replaceable no matter how much you brag about your value. If you’re truly good at what you do, and not just bullshit about what you’re capable of, work will find you through word of mouth recommendations.Take all those valuable skills you’ve harnessed in the roles you’ve worked in and step into the self employment world. It’s tough and scary at times but only then, when you realise that there’s no glass ceiling for earnings when you work for yourself, that you can call the shots and decide how you live your life.

CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET?
Have you ever been asked to keep a secret? Like a huge secret? A potential life changing secret?
​Well I have recently and I can’t decide if it’s a burden or a privilege that I have been tasked with this. And as a complete oversharer usually, I am in unchartered waters.
But actually as the days go on, I’ve realised it’s fun to keep the secret and the secret I have been tasked to keep is so big, I honestly am in no rush to tell anyone. Not even a hint or a clue. It’s all mine.
It’s human nature to want to share news and as a blogger and journalist, it’s what I do daily but this time, this secret being protected in a little incubator with a three pin password and verification code implanted in my brain. The fact that it’s been trusted solely with me is making start each day with a little skip and a jump of joy too. I feel special.
According to a study published by the American Psychological Association keeping good news a secret before telling someone else could make people feel more alive.
“Positive secrets that people choose to keep should make them feel good, and positive emotion is a known predictor of feeling energized,” said  Michael Slepian, PhD, an associate professor of business at Columbia University. “While negative secrets are far more common than positive secrets, some of life’s most joyful occasions such as pregnancy and engagements begin as secrets. (The research was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.)
We’re taught as kids that keeping secrets is bad and therapists tell us everyday that it’s better to talk it out… but I’m just letting you know that I’m not telling  a soul. Shhhhh. Don’t even ask. This cat is staying firmly in the bag and my lips are sealed. Ask me about anything else,  I’m eager to overshare details of the shitty things the callous ex did and I’m happy to divulge updates on my fluctuating bank accounts and news surrounding my dysfunctional family and the trauma they laid on me, but this particular secret is strictly confidential. It’s actually so much fun to keep. And don’t worry, no one’s been murdered.
There are times when keeping a secret can be a burden on your soul, like if you find out someone you love has been cheated on; do you tell them or risk being accused of trying to break up a relationship. Some people are so blinkered they’re unwilling to see the truth regardless and you can end up being the bad guy. Ultimately people keep secrets to protect their reputation or someone else's. People keep secrets to hide their shame of drug dependency or other addictions and that’s not advisable as they’re denying themselves the chance to get help and it’s never good to struggle alone.Fortunately my big little secret isn’t going to affect anyone’s mental health and I think I am beyond help anyway. I am at an age when I am past caring what people think of me now. As long as my kids are happy and I am not hurting anyone then I am doing no harm.My circle is so tight now it’s like a little dot. I trust no -one so ironically I have no one to share my secret with anyway. So actually this blog is irrelevant. 
I’ll shut up then and go about my business as usual. With a little smirk that I know something you don’t.

 WHY I DON'T PARADE MY CHILDREN IN PUBLIC
I am a mum of six amazing children and how they’re growing up to be successful career-driven adults who don’t take drugs is one of my finest achievements. But I don’t need to ram it down people’s throats that I am a mother, in fact because of the independent lifestyle and constant travelling I do, many people are surprised I have children because I don’t feel the need to talk about them all the time.
They motivate me to work hard so I can pay for them to live in a nice house together but they do not define me. Their welfare is my priority and I love them unconditionally but I am my own person with my own identity. And ultimately they’re going off to live their own lives anyway and check in with me every few days if I’m lucky.
For a long time, when they were much younger, I felt I was fumbling around in a fog, on autopilot getting up in the night, going to work, coming home and attending to their demands. My needs weren’t ever in the equation. I felt my identity as Amanda was gone and I became this fat, lacklustre woman who read holiday brochures as a means of escape and spent endless nights screaming inwardly.
Until one day just before lockdown I had enough. Bored in my marriage and wanting more from MY life I relocated my business to Cyprus. My eldest daughter joined me for the first year as I made the adjustment and the fog lifted.
As mothers, it’s so easy to fall into a robotic pattern and that actually makes us good mothers as we put our needs last. But it doesn’t have to be forever.
Through the distance from my children, I actually learned more about them as individuals; as we actually took the time to speak to each other on an entirely different level of communication.
I am not going to pretend it wasn’t easy for all of us but now we are in a comfortable pattern of where I split my time between Cyprus and the UK; not just for business purposes but of course to spend time with my kids. I don’t need to advertise it on social media or bore my friends with stories of them. And I don’t feel the need to. And I love my time to myself to do the things I want to do; go dancing, go to the beach or sit in my apartment enjoying the peace and quiet.
I am allowed to post a family photo of us all together two or three times a year- Christmas, my birthday and summer holiday. Apart from that posting photos of my kids is off-limits unless I get group WhatsApp chat approval from them all. And that’s fine. I didn’t give birth for them to be paraded on social media as status symbols.
My children inspire me to go off and lead the life I want, because as a mother I want what’s best for them and if they have a happy mother, their lives are going to be more fulfilled and stable than being around a mother who is depressed and constantly complaining. My independence has given them confidence and shown them that they, too, can live a limitless life where they can follow their dreams.
I don’t need to gush publicly about every little thing they do, or every achievement they make, but I will tell them everyday that I love them and I am proud of them.
Mothers are judged for everything they do and say, and one of the first questions people always asked me when my kids were younger was, how do you manage and I always replied “By throwing the parenting manuals out of the window.” What works for one may not work for someone else but that doesn’t mean you’re a bad mother.
The only opinions of me that matter are those of my kids and even then I sometimes push the boundaries. I am a wild card, a free spirit, a mum of six but, ultimately, Amanda.

FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT?
Should you fake it until you make it? And at what point do you think you have made it and when should you stop? Or do you set another target and start all over again?
Fake it till you make it refers to the idea of projecting self-confidence in order to convince yourself that you can attain a goal that you feel as though you do not yet have the skills to achieve.
Richard Branson said that if someone asks if you can do a task, say yes immediately and then worry about how to do it later. After all, we’re always learning new skills and this is how we grow professionally and personally.
There’s a difference, though between being fake, and faking it. Just look on LinkedIN, everyone is posting publicly about how amazing they are and how their business is booming. But when I speak to people face to face many have recently owned up to how much they’re struggling for new clients and cashflow is drying up.
I have learned over the last year how fake friends can be. They’re no longer in my life and though I was sad to let them go, I don’t want them to reappear. They were conditional friends, happy to be around me as long as I had something to offer them- free tickets to an event, free drinks in a bar, introduction to my contacts that may benefit themfree goodies I shared when I was sent promotional products and even free PR advice. The list is endless. Once they got everything out of me they turned on me with their behaviour and so I cut ties. That kind of fakery can fuck off.
It’s perfectly okay to elevate your status and say how marvellous you are. If you don’t believe you are, how do you expect others to? I tell people I offer consultancy to that they must brag about their business products and services, if you don’t believe you’re the best then you’re basically telling people to go someplace better. Without being in delulu land and you can back it up, then a little embellishment goes a long way, after all that is what advertising and PR executives do everyday.
Faking it until you make it can be a positive thing, it may encourage you to be more productive at work in order to get the sales you want. The filtered insta pics of you sucking in your stomach can spur you on to do that extra workout. I am guilty of them both but I am not fake, I spill my guts out on social media everyday. I admit to botox and every beauty enhancement and age defying treatment offered to me.
If you want to come across as a happy person but inside you’re crying with stress, force a smile. If you want to come across as a popular person but you’ve spoken to no one in three days, act more friendly and warm. Focus less on your faults as that will just lead into a spiral of self sabotage.
Faking it until you make it is absolutely fine if it is about changing your behavior first and trusting the feelings will follow. As long as your motivation is in the right place, faking it until you make it can effectively make your goals become reality. Just make sure you're interested in changing yourself on the inside, not simply trying to people please or boast that you’re better than someone else. That’s not endearing.
Ultimately be the change you want to see and stay authentic.

I am loud, I am brash, I am confident and I am an attention seeker. But one thing I am not is ADHD. I am also not depressed even though I have days when I want to shut myself off from the world and sit on my sofa and not talk to anyone. I spend my days talking to people non stop, I live a busy life with lots of kids and I am constantly surrounded by questions and expectations and sometimes I just want to tell everyone to fuck off.
I am menopausal, however and moody with it, yet when I mention this, some people groan with boredom. Apparently this is unacceptable but throwing around labels of other genuine conditions isn’t.
I am so sick of people telling me what I am. Are you all medically or psychologically trained?
Just because I procrastinate doesn’t make me ADHD. I am super punctual to meetings, I do not fidget and I am highly organised in business.
But I am in the midst of menopause, enjoying the hot flushes and brain fog which gives me poor concentration, not to mention insomnia which fuels my bad moods. The other day I left my house with my front door wide open. But this is not acceptable, instead I am labelled as crazy and this infuriates me.
Did you know that over 20% of females leave their jobs because of women related issues? Can I even say females anymore without offending someone? We continually face discrimination in the workplace. I was made redundant for being pregnant yet my role was replaced by a man within six months. One woman received £37,000 from her work after taking her male boss to a tribunal who told her she used the menopause as an excuse for everything.
I constantly forget where I put things down. My ex husband rolled his eyes and made a dismissive comment when I couldn’t find my car keys the other week and I told him I had menopausal brain.
Women have a hard enough time. At every stage of our life we’re judged for everything we say and do which according to some men makes us “intolerable”. In school, girls cannot show their shoulders or have their skirts too short for being deemed provocative. Choosing to get married, choosing the number of children to have, or choosing to remain childless makes us selfish. Posting bikini selfies are deemed inappropriate which is hilarious when I spend six months on the beach. Wearing tops that expose our cleavage are seen as an invitation to make inappropriate comments when the reality is we have no control over the size of our breasts. We’re judged on our gym workouts, apparently having muscles isn’t feminine, we’re judged on our sexual activity and our looks. Why do I have false eyelashes and facial aesthetics? Because I fucking want to, that’s why.
Why do I post what I post on social media? Because it’s my page and I will do what I fucking want on it.
Why do I want to build muscle? Because it's a flex ok? I am not doing it for anyone's approval but my own.
I don’t see my menopausal symptoms as a weakness, it’s just another shitstorm that I have to ride. I sometimes am filled with self doubt but that doesn’t stop me going after my goals and chasing my dreams. I put off the jobs I hate (mostly housework) in favour of the tasks I love.
Labels limit yourself. Call me strong, call me a badass but don’t give me a medical condition that devalues people who actually have it and is debilitating for them. It’s becoming trendy to throw around these terms but if we’re honest, I’ve always been fashionable but this is one label I refuse to wear.