August 14th, 2023

CHANGE YOUR LIFE
I recall laughing at my daughter’s bold statement to me last year. “I’m really happy with the person I’ve become and I don’t think I’ll change, “ said the thoughtful 20 year old.
I replied, “Honey, I’m still changing. If you stay the same you’ll never grow.”
And this is our lesson throughout life. Changes shape us and mould our desires. They create ripple effects that make us want to discover new experiences including relationships, careers and friendships. And through change comes exciting opportunities we would never have seen coming otherwise.
We outgrow people as we outgrow ourselves and set new healthier boundaries. I have dropped friends who aren't as ambitious as me because they became unrelatable. I have declined social invitations when I knew I had a big deadline looming the next day, and with no purpose to get up for the next day, they didn’t understand or empathise. Don' t let anyone hold you back.
I have dropped friends who put their partner before their own needs or who cancel plans relentlessly because a man has slid into their DMs. If my time isn't as important to them then I don't want to know.
Wanting change gives you power and control over your life and where you want to end up.
I left a marriage of 20 years, a stable partner who I knew would never leave me, to embark on a scary single life. Why? Because I wasn’t prepared to settle for a lack of passion and romance anymore. I deserve more.
I moved countries because I loathed the gloomy English weather and freezing temperatures. My mood was constantly affected by this and it shook my motivation. I didn’t want to leave my house as I was so cold and made excuses not to go to meetings.
Through the move I met lots of people from around the world, all with similar stories and inspiring journeys and gained enormous confidence.
I dropped the weight and started to take care of my skin and my appearance and through this my confidence boomed.
Three years ago I wouldn’t have dreamt of going to a bar on my own for a drink, now it’s become the norm. I accept invitations for way more social events as I never know who I am going to meet and this has been crucial in my business’ success.
We stay in one place because we’re fearful of the unknown and it’s easier to stay in our safe, comfortable place where we become fixated on our problems and often manifest into greater ones. But on the other side of fear is limitless possibilities. And what if it doesn’t work out? We are not trees, we are not rooted in one place, we can get up and leave.
Many people say to me, “I wish I could do what you did” and the simple answer is, you can. You have a credit card, you can book the plane ticket, even if you don't move there, a change of scenery for a few weeks can be just as effective.
You need to plan and you need to accept that although you may fail at that plan, something even better will work for you instead.
It takes guts, resilience and a thick skin. You will be judged harshly but mainly from people who have accepted their uneventful, steady life and envy your courage to go and seek more. You will lose friends, you will undoubtedly be lonely for a while. You learn to embrace discomfort and through these feelings you discover more about yourself, your wants and your desires.
I think everyone should be made to go on holiday on their own, you learn so much about yourself. And starting a new life is a whole new level of discomfort. It’s a bit of a shit storm at times, but as with all storms, the clouds eventually disappear and the sky clears. It’s not selfish to walk about from situations that don’t make you happy, be it a partner or a friendship or a job. These are all replaceable. Feeling guilty is a waste of energy and I channel that through the gym. Life to me doesn't revolve around trundling around Tesco anymore wondering what to make for dinner.
Through my actions, my children have become independent and stronger with robust work ethics to chase money to give them the freedom to create their own opportunities. They tell me they're grateful for the opportunities I have shown them. You owe it to your mental health and your happiness to chase every dream and turn it into a reality.