August 22nd, 2023

CONFIDENCE

My good friend of 20 years called me today and said, “Amanda, I wish I had your confidence.”
It was so lovely of her to say that but it made me think about what confidence really is.
I am confident in the way I dress and the way I carry myself, I have no filter when it comes to defending my behaviour or fighting for causes I believe in. But for the last few months I have been doubting my capabilities as I felt my life spiral out of control. Healing from the pain of broken friendships, struggling to keep my business going, hemorrhaging money with the never-ending bills and the stress of desperately wanting to sell my house and finalise my divorce has taken a toll on my confidence. Plus dealing with the hormonal issues of menopause which has made me super emotional at times.  It’s fair to say that it’s been a difficult year so far.
You wouldn’t know because I haven’t shared this until now. Running your own business can be lonely, you rely on no one but yourself for it to work so you have to show up for yourself even if you don’t feel like it. Being an entrepreneur makes you constantly doubt your decisions but I suppose I must be doing something right as I am nominated for two business awards this autumn. I do get spurts of confidence with the work that I do, I know I am an expert in my field and I can help people with their goals too, and I have a vision for the future of my business which I try and stay on track with. 
There’s a fine line though, between being overconfident and coming across as arrogant or self-absorbed. On the flip side, being underconfident prevents you from taking risks and grabbing opportunities for fear of failure or worrying what other people may think of you.
I have no problem walking into a room full of strangers and making new contacts and I love talking to everyone but I am a terrible procrastinator. I can sit on my sofa for hours and scroll through social media when I should be banging out emails prospecting for new clients or writing up a feature. And having spent years being emotionally abused by people I cared about, it’s knocked my confidence. I’ve been accused of being a fake and a bullshitter, which is ironic as I am completely genuine and a terrible liar. I’ve been defamed and trolled on social media throughout the years which has made me question my entire being at times. But learning to not care what other people think has made me stronger and more resilient, not forgetting more determined to prove them wrong. Which I have done multiple times.
I saw a quote today which said, “Just because I’ve sat in darkness doesn’t mean I won’t shine my inner light.”
My friend asked me if I could teach her how to be confident and I’ve had a think about it. It’s more than a mindset and reciting daily affirmations.  I do the things I love daily, I exercise, I go to the beach and spend time with friends who motivate and uplift me and when I feel happy, I feel more  confident. 
I take pride in my work and give it my best, I believe in it and am passionate about it. And when I see the results of my work; the magazine published or an event come together and people celebrating their successes with me, it instills me with new confidence.
What keeps me pushing forward is an unwavering determination to succeed at all costs. I don’t have a choice, I have children who depend on me. No matter what personal or professional challenges I face, can’t just give up. I will step up every time and face the obstacles. Because whatever I’m going through, I know it won’t last. Self-belief is the ultimate confidence builder.

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