January 26th, 2025

 DO I HAVE A FAVOURITE CHILD?
​Having six children definitely has made me a target for judgment over the years. Mostly because some people can’t relate to or understand how having such a big family can tick. People jump to conclusions; I must be religious or am pro life or in the words of the most unoriginal and unfunny comment of all, lack a television. People have assumed I’m on benefits or super rich. I am neither. People just can’t imagine how anyone could handle that many, or they assume it’s too much, or they simply  project their own discomfort onto me.
It takes a strong and confident woman to have six children and an even stronger person to brush off the comments. The question I am frequently asked is do I have a favourite child?
 I find this utterly incomprehensible as I love all my children equally. They’ve all developed into wonderful humans with their own unique intelligence and qualities that I am proud of. Each of them bring something special to my family dynamic, and it is so rewarding to see them grow into their own unique selves. It’s so important to give them all space and at the same time nurture so many individual strong personalities.
I grew up feeling unloved with my older brother being the ‘golden child”. Both my brothers went to private schools, I didn’t. I was always being compared to my older brother and made to feel that I was never enough. This has led to a lifetime of me feeling not good enough and always wanting attention and overachieving.
I have brought my kids up to be best friends with each other. I always said that their siblings are the only ones they can rely on when they’re older as friends will let them down and to this day they have listened to me. I can confidently say that my kids do not feel one is given more attention or love than another.
Like all humans, my kids have different temperaments, needs, and personalities. I may have more in common with one or two than another but that doesn’t mean I love the others any less. The idea that love can be "unequal" is unsettling. I have a unique bond with all my children and I think I understand them. I hope they feel they can turn to me for support, I’ve made that very clear.
Love isn’t a fixed amount that you divide up in equal measurements. For me and my children it just expands. I can praise one child for an achievement without have to go round the room pointing out every other’s perfections at the same time. Praise for one of my children doesn’t diminish my love for the others.
Growing up I wanted to be the type of mum everything my own mother wasn’t. My kids have never been grounded, I don’t believe in physical punishment or verbal chastising. If they annoy me, I just tell them to fuck off and have done since they were little. Then when I calm down I apologise, explain why they annoyed me and we carry on. I have never gone to bed on bad terms with them. I have never had a major row with them. I never gave them a bed time, they had to learn to manage their own sleep and if they were tired because they stayed up late, then that was a consequence they had to learn. I rarely go in their bedrooms and wouldn’t dream of going through their things. Boundaries create respect. There’s no subject I am not afraid to broach with them. And I am learning so much from them too and we have really good conversations about politics, feminism, careers, relationships and life. It’s a two way experience and usually ends up with them taking the mick out of me, but that’s fine. I can laugh at my mistakes, I just don’t want them to make the same ones.
​So back to the question, do I have a favourite child? The answer is no.  People  do tend to gravitate toward those who reflect parts of themselves but I see bits of my personality in all of my kids. Whether you have one kid or six, the depth of that love and how you show up for them is what defines you as a parent, not how many kids you have.

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