August 24th, 2024

DO WE GET SELFISH AS WE GET OLDER AND IS IT A BAD THING?
I am just wondering,  as I made a reel on instagram recently and it went viral with 125,000 views I announced that I was going to become more selfish as I get older. I am ⅔ of my way through life, way past middle aged unless God has a plan on me living to be over 100 and I am putting myself first.
As parents, when we have children, we put our wants and wishes aside as we hope to raise better versions than ourselves. That is something I have nailed, my kids are awesome, kind humans. Sacrifice is second nature to becoming a parent, especially a mother. 
Since I was 30 I made a promise to myself that every big milestone birthday would be celebrated with a trip to somewhere new. On my 40th I went to Dubai. On my 50th I booked a trip to Barbados but changed the flight and sent two of my kids to New York instead as they had just finished their GCSEs and A-levels. It has always niggled me that I didn’t keep that promise to myself and for my next birthday I am hoping to go to Thailand on a boxing retreat with other company directors all hoping to reset our goals. Honestly, my bag is already packed.
I need a new bathroom, the shower room needs fixing, I need to pay bills but I also need this trip for myself. And the bathroom, bills and long list of repair jobs can wait a month or two.
As a mother we lose our independence and for many years I felt lost and dare I say it, trapped. I think many women will relate to this and are afraid to admit it. I adore my children and would do anything for them. I drain my bank account frequently to ensure they have everything they need and it brings me joy to see them happy and fulfilled. But it’s time for me to feel the same and travelling has always been my passion.
In every relationship I have had I have always put my feelings second to keep a partner happy and it has always backfired and I was taken for granted and treated badly   
I have always financially supported everyone else as well as myself, no one has ever paid my bills and at times it’s been so stressful I have wanted to give up on my business. I never did, I powered through with determination. But what’s the point if you’re not going to enjoy what you’re doing? It really is my time now.
Selfishness is not narcissism. The world does not revolve around me, it still revolves around my family. But rewarding myself for working hard is ok. I don’t care if people judge me, they aren’t living my life, other people’s opinions of me are irrelevant and I have gone through more flaky friends than cups of coffee I have drunk.
My responsibilities are incredibly draining to the point of sometimes burnout and I need to replenish my own cup. Selfishness is self love. Not saying what I want in a relationship and setting my intentions has built up a lifetime of resentment. I won’t make that mistake again.
Not declaring that I need a break used to lead to screaming tantrums as I struggled to deal with the overwhelming pressure. Now I prioritise myself. I have learned that it’s setting healthy boundaries, it’s perfectly ok to give myself permission to enjoy myself. So often we don’t say no for fear of being judged and not wanting to offend anyone.I already broke that pattern by moving abroad to protect my mental health. I honestly don’t care if I offend you; don’t follow me, don’t be my friend, don’t read my social media posts.
This year I have told people I don’t want to work with them if they disrespect me or try to haggle down my prices. Well actually I think I may have just told them to fuck off. It may have cost me money but it certainly paid to keep my self worth intact. And did I mention that I won another business award for PR last month? Whatever I am doing is obviously working.
Putting ourselves first can feel uncomfortable at first but it quickly becomes easier. Trust me, it’s liberating. 
It’s a valuable life skill to be able to be selfish with healthy boundaries. I told my kids I wanted to go to Thailand and was actually worried they would be annoyed with me. Instead they welcomed the idea and told me I should do it as they know it would make me happy. I am teaching them that it’s ok to do things for themselves too without guilt, an emotion that comes as second nature to adulthood. If we’re constantly giving our time and energy to others then we are putting our emotional and even physical health in jeopardy.
Self-care allows us to maintain balance and continue functioning like a well-oiled machine that increases our ability to help care for others. Just as you would not expect your car to run continuously for 5,000 miles without stopping for gas or having its oil changed, you too cannot expect that of yourself! Running on empty eventually leads to a machine that no longer functions.
I love being selfish. I love turning down invitations to going out if I don’t feel like it. I love choosing who I hang out with, I love being in control of what I am doing. And I love telling people to fuck off. Helen Mirran said she wish she had told more people to do so when she was younger. It doesn’t make me any less classy. It makes me strong and deliciously selfish.